so be dat...

sometimes i wonder who the fuck i am. at this age you would think i'd know that answer w/o question. perhaps this explains some of my persistent difficulty w/getting my shit to go where i'd like it to be in life...

i know 1 thing w/o question. i have a certain resilience/persistence that has kept me from being completely devoured by my questionable psychological states. it seems to be quite a bit easier to move around when there are people who support your endeavors, but fuck it, i have to work w/what i have available.

can't just fold up & quit.

i find it disturbing sometimes that i do not have more of an influence on the godren's everyday doings. i feel like the wife teaches them things that will cause them problems as humans in this society. it can be difficult. she'll say she understands, but she keeps doing the same shit. the godren pick up on it as functional behavior. i've gotten to the point now where i'm often like "fuck it." i don't want to give up on'em though. it's definitely challenging...

not quitting is the best way to teach them not to just quit when shit gets shitty. definitely 1 of life's most important lessons. quitting is easy as hell. the great accomplishments of life don't usually come from quitting.

word to the syllable pronoun...

make like you know what the fuck that means...

PEACE
...be calm...

is there hope yet...

looks like i may actually get a friggin' vacation this year.

this would be quite awesome considering. granted, i'm not going to be going anywhere, but at least i can not go in to work for an entire week & still collect my ducats...

yesh!

this year's vacation motto is "please, please, no damn fleas..."

i'm going to be doing a lot of organizing, cleaning, shredding, recycling, & most importantly, relax/sleeping. hope i don't irritate the fam too much. they act like they don't want me around the crib sometimes because i remind everybody about keeping the crib some kinda neat. i hate when they try to make me out to be the bad guy. mostly i just try to promote the value of organization & focused energy in defeating life's obstacles. hopefully they'll realize that 1 day...

make like i'm not going to be bangin' out some new tracks next week...

PEACE
...be calm...

hey man, you fuckin' up...

ummm...

i overloaded the fonts on the main PC in the office. oops! tried to use oto op & the damn thing took forever to load. went to edit/create something & the lag was horrendous.

good thing i know how to fix my own shit. oogled the hell out of overloading the fonts & found out that's exactly what i'd done wrong.

insult to injury, i tried to remove them all at once & fucked up the whole system for a few seconds. kinda hard for the OS to display text w/no available fonts...

[cheese!]

on a more hot note, the beat progression is coming along. vacation's coming up & it looks like the mixer is finally going to be making a home in the stizudio.

[yaaay!]

make like Cap'n Talky-talk didn't sleep damn near all of what was left of his shift when he came in...

PEACE
...be calm...

a questioned reality's conclusions...

if you're not doing what you really want to be doing in life, what do you change w/o losing your identity as an individual?

this question is sponsored by my life condition as compared to my desired life condition, tempered w/a heavy dose of reality on the side.

can't say my life is all fucked up & shitty, but it ain't quite a rose bed either. the main thing w/me is to keep moving in a forward direction. stagnating helps nothing. i know i'm not the only 1 w/dysfunctions, but mine seem to have their way w/my life plans too frequently for my liking.

what to change to stop the negatively recurring events? some things unknown, some things known but difficult to change. the game of life is easily lost & difficult to play, but can be won. what does winning mean in this game?

no one can answer that question but the individual asking. what is worth the loss of life? what is gained by sacrifice? what is sacrifice? WTF am i going on about?

feeling kinda down. my unit is not well put together. it is not the most supportive at all. i tend to attribute that to the fact that i have never really known what support is. how could i possibly endeavor to surround myself w/a supportive unit when i'm generally unfamiliar w/the concept, let alone the experience?

the challenge is to keep working towards the goals regardless of the support levels within the unit...

make like it is easy for me to be who i be...

PEACE
...be calm...

why i do these things...

...because i am...

saw George Lopez on some interview show today. i think my human interaction skills are such that i would get great interviews w/cats. problem is no one talks to the no ones. have to establish self as someone to be talked to in such a capacity. been working on it for a while now, but i guess not hard enough.

people don't just say "yeah, i'll let you interview me..."

listening to 1 of the newer tracks i made. it's kinda on the mellow tip. oddly, i was aiming for something significantly more hype in the original design. i don't study nearly enough music theory as i should. i'm still earing the fuck out of everything. gotta get this shit down so i can compose w/my ear & my mind...

i expect that'll be real fly...

some shit is just nice to listen at. i find this particular track quite relaxing. wouldn't quite call it 1 of the beautiful 1's, but it does sound pleasant to my ear...

make like i ate any food all day today...

PEACE
...be calm...

aired o-u-t...

goddamnit. i'm pissed off about Steve McNair. dude fucked up. let's just say that i'm an expert on crazy chicks.

this chick looked crazy! WTF Steve?

i guess dude was having a midlife or something. how do fuck your shit up to the point where a side jawn offs you in your booty call crib?

dunno if he lied to her about the whole divorce thing, but if he did, damn...

if you've got to lie to get some pussy, you ought not be taggin' the booty you're trying to tag. it just isn't worth the drama that comes later. obviously this is an extreme case, but again, WTF Steve?

i feel sorry for his sons. who knows what kind of psychological/emotional issues they're going to develop from this bullshit.

the voices of choices speak forever, whether you choose to listen to them or not...

make like this chick did not go out like a stone cold nut...

PEACE
...be calm...

i like Mike's music, but com'on...

okay, enough already.

the only good thing about the Mike overkill currently infecting the media is that an artist i like has finally become larger than life. Mike is now like friggin' Elvis. i've already heard peeps comparing his legacy to Elvis'.

here's an idea, combine the 2 cribs & call it NeverGrace!

does anyone else really believe those kids are in any way, shape, or form the genetic offspring of Mike?

i still don't think Mike's dead...

make like i've been wearing out my Mike audio...

PEACE
...be calm...

here's a timeless question...

why do Africans in the U.S. celebrate 7/4 just like Europeans?

i've never understood that about the African community in the U.S. technically independence for Africans did not occur until a century or 2 later. the sad part is that many of the wars fought by this country would not have been as successful if not for the involvement of African troops. this is most ironically true of the Civil War. there would be an extra country in North America had it not been for African troops saving the U.S. military effort against the C.S. military.

for all the talk about Lincoln, the Emancipation Proclamation would have been completely useless if the C.S. had not lost the war. imagine the U.S. telling British citizens that they no longer had to follow the laws of their recognized governing body. even better, how about a law gets passed in the U.S. that applies to the citizens of China. doesn't make any sense at all.

history is amazing if you actually pay attention to it. learning not to repeat mistakes is an awesome thing to do. too bad most people find history unimportant. it isn't the dates, it's the lessons...

make like people don't just follow along blindly w/o thinking or asking questions...

PEACE
...be calm...

i hate monsters...

my love of beauty causes me great discomfort when i'm out in public...

i decided to hang out around the gig today 'cause going to the crib would have prevented me from getting any sleep. the dude across the street doesn't EQ his PA system very well & it kicks out too much on the highs. whenever there is a block party, i have to listen to this horribleness. it isn't even that i don't dig most of the music selection, it's the EQ and the discomfort experienced by my ears...

what does that have to do w/monsters? not a goddamned thing...

it does explain why i had to see 2 beasts at the mizall while waiting to go back to the gizig after putting some food in my fizace. ewww...

the 1 chick was nasty swellulitten w/a back'too. i'm talking nasty stretch marks & everything. yeech! i don't have a problem w/stretch marks. they happen. i've seen perfectly attractive females w/stretch marks. i suppose it all depends on where & how they appear. these particular marks were not of the passable type.

monster #2 had a busted grill while wearing a tight ass stretch dress that she apparently did not realize was too freakin' small for her. how can you tell when stretch clothing is too small? when it rides up and doesn't feel like making the trip back down to cover the rear crotch of your panties...

now that's nasty as fuck. she came outside like this. WTF! the worst part was they posted up at the bus stop right in front of me. bleech! thankfully, the bus came just after they came & sat down in the waiting area. yaaaay!

got me the fuck outta there...

make like i didn't feel sorry for the dude hanging out w/these 2 mud ducks...

PEACE
...be calm...

weirdo ass bitch!

why was this ugly cancer stick suckin' broad following me around the bus stop yesterday?

i don't know what it is, but i draw the hell out of crazy people. perhaps it's the fact that i'm just that imbalanced my damn self. either way, this nut sparks up & decides to follow me around when i got up to move away from the friggin' smoke.

i hate cigarette smoke. that's a nasty burnt chemical ass smell. worst of all she had a little kid w/her. that shit really pisses me off 'cause of the health problems my egg donor caused w/her shitty nicotine addiction.

i should've tried to run across the street so she could follow & get hit by traffic. what a dumbass. fucking freak...

she wasn't even cute. completely bodiless. yuck. sheesh.

make like this nutjob didn't get on the same bus i take to the gizig...

PEACE
...be calm...