the worst possible kind of depression is that which has no apparent cause. i fucking hate that shit. it's fucking irritating, because the unknown source cannot be appropriately addressed and alleviated. it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't get so listless when i'm depressed. it's an odd feeling. sometimes i just don't feel like doing a goddamned thing. most would attribute such an attitude to utter laziness, but the oddity is that i usually tend to multi-task to distraction. in short, me wanting to do not 1 goddamned thing at all is highly uncharacteristic and extremely undesirable. again, not knowing what the immediate cause of the depressive state makes it rather difficult to remove the issue. fortunately though, i am aware of the dangers of my depression escalating. it makes it somewhat easier to manage as a result. i know not to let this shit get too far. i ain't fucking w/the meds unless they are professionally mandated. kinda hard to do that when my ass is not under professional consultation, but no professional has ever recommended meds for me when i was consulting. anyways, usually when i get like this it is a number of things that would normally be mildly unpleasant, but i tend to lump them all together and have some type of emotional failure. it's a type of stress overload if you will. it has always been my opinion that i do not handle certain types of stress all that well. sometimes having an outlet helps. that's one of the reasons i find violent video games so entertaining. they provide an extensive release without anyone getting hurt. unfortunately, or perhaps not, i can't sit around playing GTA all fucking day. FTW and all that. anyways, time to go shove my friggin' lunch/dinner in my face...
make like Tony Romo had the greatest game of his life on Monday...
PEACE
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