don't fuck around...

as a child i was not well informed by my genetic donors of the ills of human interaction.

as a parent, i pride myself in providing an honesty to my godren that does not violate their innocence, but occasionally pokes them in all 3 eyes.

this life is not easy, and don't get caught up in trying to pretend that it is. shit happens, & it happens quite regularly. be prepared to wipe...

make like i fucking understand why there are so many ignorant/oblivious humans on the planet...

PEACE
...be calm...

the revolution will not be realized...

fuck televised, the revolution is not going to happen.

for 1, people are afraid of death. ultimately, that is the true cost of significant freedom. one must be willing to sacrifice one's meaningful existence in order to approach the threshold of victory.

the masses are pacified by the great perpetuation of fear. if you do not fear death, you can accomplish many great things.

this idea is what makes The Usual Suspects such a great movie. Keyser Söze did not allow the fear of death to control his dealings. what an awesome message through mythology.

the fear of death is the ultimate means of enslavement.

how else do you continuously explain the docile nature of the working poor & working class humans when faced w/the atrocities of those w/economic power.

there are far more people w/o than w/the means to live as needed in this predominantly capitalist society.

the world of humans is quite fucked up, but too many people are willing to accept things the way they are w/o questions or a fight.

die free before living enslaved by the status quo...

make like humans have the universe even minutely figured out...

PEACE
...be calm...

if i type nothing here what happens?

i believe i am becoming less sociable as i get older. the land turtle is a solitary animal, at least that's my understanding from study.

i seem to have certain turtlacious traits. i can be slow in doing, to others, in my pursuit of particularness. this does lead to problems in commonly accepted human time consideration, but i feel better when i can do things as i believe is proper.

as far as the sociable shit, i just don't fucking like other people. i try to be sociable, but usually people just get on my fucking nerves.

i often suggest this mentality is from not socializing enough during my time w/the egg donor, but there's no sure way to know.

people smell funny, look funny, eat crazy, talk about dumb shit too regularly...

i'm just plain irritated by the peeps i come across in public.

i try to use the web to socialize, but i'm apparently doing that in some improper way. in all my years of surfing, i've only established somewhat meaningful convo with a few humans. if you remove the sexual oriented links, the number gets smaller. WTF is that all about?

i think it's me, but there's nothing i can readily ID that doesn't seem to work in these circumstances.

oh well...

make like the Philadelphia Chokles are as bad as the Detroit Lames...

PEACE
...be calm...

how do thy grate me...

let me count the days...

aaah! today marks the end of the this week's tour through hell. at the gig anyway.

gotta try to get the friggin' rims off Needa again today. cars cars suck crotch snot.

make like i love all things vehicular...

PEACE
...be calm...

i am my greatest hater...

sadly this is true more often than not.

i suppose it's the same as the "my own worst enemy" sentiment. i usually don't put much here when i'm meandering in the darkness, but there isn't much else going at the moment.

too many concurrent issues. my life feels like it is trapping me. if i weren't to know better, i might be made to believe that this is somehow related to some denial of religion on my part. fortunately, i know more than better.

gotta take the fuck ups w/the ups. the universe could could not care either way. such vanity to consider that my daily trifles would be of primary importance when there is so much suffering in existence.

it'd be nice if the knowledge of such things numbed the murkiness of my self-inflicted misery.

fuck if i know how to fix my broken parts.

feels like the older i get the less capable i am of patching my shit up...

just rag-a-laggin' along...

make like a miracle is going fix all that ails my existence...

PEACE
...be calm...

don't think, just believe...fuckall...

if you believe it, it must be real.

imagine operating w/such a foolish perspective in your everyday life. sound familiar at all?

can you say religion?

WTF!

i guess if there are large enough groups of humans willing to ascribe to a particular set of beliefs & perpetuate them, they must be real as well.

the scary thing is that people are willing to become angry to the point of killing other people over things that are based on what they believe.

imagine that.

i believe the sun has disappeared & we are all being sustained on a daily basis by a giant celestial dragon.

now if i can get enough people to go along, i think i can start a new religion...

make like this shit makes any fucking sense at all...

PEACE
...be calm...

so, um, er, um, WTF!

i've been on this planet for damn near 2 score. i can't say i've enjoyed most of my time here. i'm not blaming anyone. for at least half of this time, i've been solely responsible for the consequences of my potentially erroneous decisions. add to those my clearly erroneous decisions, and you've got quite a collection of shitty circumstances.

currently, i find myself in yet another employment situation that i truly cannot stand. it's usually difficult enough to find a gig, but now there's the wonderful collapse of the capitalist economy to contend with as well.

my inner battles w/what most would call demons are not at all helpful. since i don't believe in demons per se, i'll refer to these negative character traits as my manifestations of human finitude. my efforts to embrace my universal essence do not seem to occur with enough reasonably regular frequency.

short version says i'm mostly frustrated as hell w/many of the things that i have to deal w/on a daily basis. sadly, i do not seem to be able to consistently power through my own doubt in order to build a rewarding level of success from the trail of failures.

i can say that i more regularly try to console myself w/the knowledge that i will never achieve much of anything if i just quit. sometimes it's hard to understand the significance of an action that has yet to be, or thought that has yet to formulate.

even if the shit never gets better, i owe it to me to keep pushing forward. why stand in seemingly endless piles of shit when there is even the remotest possibility of one day being free of strife?

make like i'm going to be enjoying the born day...

PEACE
...be calm...

peace toghether the puzzle...

it's fuckin' amazing that one can have the pieces to create some of the puzzle's images, but toss them aside in an attempt to create nonexistent images of the puzzle.

it's sad that many disrupt their entire lives by attempting to create the nonexistent.

putting together what you actually have of the pieces may just lead to the discovery of the puzzle's truly amazing images...

make like i'm not tired as a crusty hell burger...

PEACE
...be calm...

how do you spell a mouthful of phlegm?

conjures images of the gig...

did i mention i do not earn a living doing anything i truly dig?

must extricate myself from here.

were there ever any Woody Allen movies w/any Africans in them?

only ask 'cause i fucking feel like it, & i'm 'bout to peep "Take the Money & Run." i remember laughing at this shit when i was a kid. you know, when re-run movies used to come on TV all hours of the day when shit else was on?

now we've got shit reality TV & fuckall infomercials. broadcast video media seems to be getting more & more useless as it exists. at least if you expect more than status quogramming & advertising anyway...

fuckall. that's a great word. fuckall.

gotta piss now....

make like i'm even supposed to be up & alert at this hour...

PEACE
...be calm...

a well crafted attack on my personal sanctity...

i truly cannot stand to be present at my current employer's operational facility.

sadly, i do not motivate self enough to grind my business ideas into brutal fruition. i believe this is another of my missing pieces. i have several. not locating them tends to lead to great life difficulty on my part.

which leads me to the following...

this chick here is loony. why not just get a full page ad in the biz section of the local papes? perhaps i lack vision, but i'm not plingin' out 7 grand on a highway billboard to find potential gigs. she's reported to be using the cheese she saved to cop a crib.

this is a single parent w/3 kids . just doesn't seem like the best idea in the world w/3 seed. start a fucking business lady!!!

give me 7 grand & watch me find some business or franchise to start. fuck that. WTF?

she clearly did not see it that way...

make like i couldn't use 7 grand to invest in business endeavors...

PEACE
...be calm...

the dark clouds always look worse in the mirror...

i had an idea for a post, but some formatting issues distracted me. now i cannot recall what it was i was going to post about.

i just read some fucked up shit from someone else's blog. it is amazing how fucked up life can get when you don't have a good handle on your business. sadly, most of us seem to not want to accept our role in such developments.

i can blame my gene donors all day for the fucked uppedness of my life, but they are only responsible for the lack of support & negative influences they exposed me too. the rest of the shit i deal w/is my motherfucking fault. at some point, you have to stop finding causes outside of self for certain issues. granted, this is a fucked up society, but the ultimate reality is that our actions/reactions to situations are not chosen for us.

there are always options. the less resourceful of us tend to limit access to these options, thereby increasing the occurrence of life's difficult situations.

one thing i've noticed so far is that this society requires that you have certain economic abilities. capitalism is a merciless economic system that only respects those who understand how to dominate its ways. it may seem to be all about $$$, but cash is not what it's all about. so many humans get fucked on a regular basis for not seeing the larger system at work.

i'm still fucking w/this shit myself. i don't like it, but until enough humans realize that this system is not in our best interest, this is what it is...

make like dependence on others will lead you to the promised land in this society...

PEACE
...be calm...

how 'bout that shit...

my motherfuckin' feet hurt like shit right now.

i'm about to go lie down. i shouldn't even be up.

just copped the new phizzie. i'm experimenting. hope this shit works out this time. last time i experimented, i ended up w/some shit i didn't like at all. my hand is being forced. Nokia seems to be making shitty phones. I used to dig their handheld mobile cellular communication facilitation devices. oh well...

i checked out an LG Shine at the store today. it seems all right, but you don't really know until you actually use these little fuckers...

make like i even wanted to replace my piece of shit Nokia phone that won't act right...

PEACE
...be calm...

flirting w/disaster...

it is interesting to consider the current state of humanity if certain belief systems were not instituted & used to indoctrinate the general public.

i have a strong moral code. i think i do. i am no saint, but i am not a generally malicious person either. seems the average human is so selfish that individual behavior often manifests itself in such a way as to cause the suffering of others. this is too true for group behavior as well.

i am mildly willing to concede the need for the foolishness of religion for the purposes of what i will call crowd control. apparently discipline is too much of a challenge for the average human. human vanity is truly far more evil than any denomination of money. the root of all evil is the human psyche.

imagine being so vain as to create mythologies that completely remove the responsibilities of human activities from humans. damn near any negative human behavior is somehow ascribed to some unknown, outside force/entity. how many different devil/demon mythologies exist? these creatures/characters are the scapegoats of human imperfection. how easy is it to attribute the consequences of imperfect human decisions on anyone/thing outside of the human population?

the amazing thing is how little people question these clearly delusional behaviors & ideas. motivation exists as a mystery only when a behavior cannot be explained and/or communicated in clearly acceptable terms. there are many human behaviors that have no rationality involved in them whatsoever. it is far too convenient to attribute these behaviors to non-existent beings...

make like religion exists w/o human existence...

PEACE
...be calm...

we don't pay you to think...

i fucking despise to the brink of hatred my current employment arrangement.

it is quite challenging to be employed in a position that does not require the use of much intellect. between the fucked up econ & my podiatric issues, my current options appear to be severely limited.

i do not function well when i feel trapped up by circumstance.

need to focus.

haven't been very calm lately.

frustration is not good for creative endeavors. sadly, my anxiety issues are quite an impediment to any of my artistic efforts to remove myself from situations that i find unappealing. i'm destined to stagnate if i do not maintain focus & persevere. fuck.

sometimes i wonder what good it does to be intelligent at all in many of the situations in which i find myself on a daily basis. why did i graduate from college w/honors?

just goes to show it's not what but who you know, & how you freak it.

i ain't freakin' it quite right at the moment...

make like everything is bright & sunshiney lovely in my life right now...

PEACE
...be calm...

superb greetings of doom...

today is a down day. fucking shit.

could use a good violent and/or humorous film right about now. too bad this is not a current option.

at least the job is relatively silent. don't much feel like hearing any noise at the moment.

i used to be able to eat when i felt blah. this is no longer an option because of my sedentary lifestyle. oddly, i'm not a disgusting fat ass like the irritant at the gig, but i am too weighty for my frame. definitely seems to be affecting my podiatric issues.

the gigborhood sucks for delivery. everything closes or doesn't even deliver. thought i'd be getting some variety w/Domino's, but they fucked up. assholes...

so, it's a fucked Friday. worst part is i don't even get to sleep it off tomorrow. gotta come back to the gig...

at least the gig exists.

NOTE: this is 300 official, but i'm not in a celebratory state of mind.

make like humans desire to realize the true futility of their daily endeavors compared to the goings on of the universe...

PEACE
...be calm...

excuse me, i'm slurring my speech...

found a database for racial slurs...

imagine that.

i've been thinking about slurs lately. i'm still trying to figure out why slurs that are used to refer to Africans in the U.S. are so much more important than other ethnic slurs.

specifically, why don't Europeans hold rallies when someone calls someone a cracker? does the ignorance & foulness embodied in the history of enslavement somehow make nigger or any of its derivatives more wrong than other racial slurs?

there's a European at the gig that calls Asian peeps orientals. it's my understanding that oriental is considered a slur. even if it isn't, there are many other things i've heard rude patrons use to refer to the employees of Chinese take-out joints.

if the person behind the bulletproof glass yelled nigger or whatever through the window, who knows what crazy shit might happen next.

seems pretty lopsided. is nigger worse than chink? i think not. what the fuck is wrong w/peeps?

make like there is a sense in slur hierarchy...

PEACE
...be calm...

yet another customer service disaster...

WTF is up w/real customer service?

is non-friggin'-existent?

Domino's Pizza is fuckin' up. why did i order vittles from the joint near the gig only to be delivery stood up?

upon phoning the location to inquire as to the status of my thoroughly desired sustenance, i was told that my transaction had been succinctly nullified. accordingly, i proceeded to request detailed justification for such a disturbing course of action. thus it was explained to me that the establishment had recently become the recipient of new management, and the new managerial entity forbade delivery personnel from making use of portable cellular communication devices while completing delivery tasks. as such, the delivery personnel had languished in suffering for 15 minutes in front of the delivery location while vigorously & liberally applying pressure to the vehicle's audio signaling device to no avail. the sustenance was returned to the delivery origination location, thereby creating the need for my transaction status inquiry.

i thought all was cool, but decided to email Domino's customer service anyway. here is the email that was sent:

Thank you for taking the time to contact the Domino's Pizza Customer Care Team about your experience of being unable to place an order with your cellular phone, VOIP phone or broad band phone. As one of our customers, your comments are extremely important to us. For a number of reasons the persons in our stores need to have some indication about the identity of callers before sending our team members out to make a delivery. As a result, our stores are equipped with a caller identification system, where that service is available. However, our caller identification system can not always recognize calls made from cellular phones, VOIP phones or broad band phones. In some instances this can present a security issue for our team members.

We know that customers such as you are not the source of our problem but in order to operate thousands of stores across the country we must establish certain operating rules and procedures. One of these is not to accept orders from cellular phones, VOIP phones or broad band phones unless prior arrangements have been made to establish the caller as one of our customers.In addition, a large number of Domino's Pizza stores are locally owned and operated by independent franchisees. Franchisees may have established their own operating policies concerning orders from cellular phones, VOIP phones or broad band phones that may be different from the policies I have described above.

May we suggest that you contact your neighborhood Domino's Pizza store and ask to make arrangements for establishing you as a known customer who may, from time to time, place an order over your cellular phone, VOIP phone or broad band phone? Some type of "password" or other identification may need to be established. This is the process that is currently followed in many of our company-owned stores, but some franchisees may not be accepting cell phone, VOIP phone or broad band phone orders at this time and this option may not be available in those stores.

You are important to us and to our franchisees and we do understand your concerns. At the same time, we hope that you understand the reason behind cell phone, VOIP phone or broad band phone order policies and that you will contact your local Domino's Pizza store and make arrangements for placing future orders with your cell phone VOIP phone or broad band phone. Thank you for your time and consideration.

how do you come up w/a response that is so off of the issue at hand? somebody pass me a rag to clean this up...

make like the Domino's rep does not have reading comprehension issues...

PEACE
...be calm...

my landlord sucks primate sack...

WTF!

not owning property is not suggestible. i have yet in my tenant life to ever have a landlord willing to properly and/or reasonably maintain the property i call my residence. it's truly fucking frustrating.

if he wasn't half dead...

no one to blame but the man in the reflective surfaces. this is what happens when you do not manage your finances in such a way as to purchase your own property.

fuck that.

fuck renting.

own, own, own!!!

goddamnit.

somebody fucking give me something to clean up this mess...

just fuckin' around.

seriously though, renting sucks when you have a shitty landlord. fuck'em. bastards...

make like i can buy a house right the fuck now...

PEACE
...be calm...

onwards towards death...

so, back on the dying tip...

i can't believe i'm 40 years old.

seems kind of stupid, but i just didn't think this far ahead when i was a kid. i envisioned being an adult frequently enough, but i guess it wasn't in specifics. much of the shit i thought i'd being doing as an adult has yet to be realized. a few of the things are not likely to be realized at this point.

i can remember back to 3, and i have always been fascinated w/the universe in some form or another. i wanted to be an astronaut. unless commercial space flight ensues prior to my physical expiration, doesn't look like i'll be stellar gazing up close & in person anytime soon. i'm not mad. all things considered, wouldn't want to go in a space shuttle or much else made by NASA.

i thought i'd have a house built to my specs. considering my current financial state, my economic history, & the general denial of the public of the failures of capitalism, i doubt i'll be doing this one either. i suppose i could win the lotto, but i don't fucking gamble. i always say if luck was real, i'd have the bad kind. don't consider that pessimistic at all. i'm just really great friends w/Murphy's.

speaking of death, 3 days ago was the 2nd anniversary of my egg donor's physical ceasement. dunno what the sperm donor's status is. doesn't seem to matter much. i can readily acknowledge missing having parents, but fortunately, my memories are great reality checks. at least i maintain w/my step-dad, even though i don't really like that particular familial reference.

slowly, slowly, death creeps upon us...

make like i love the funky humans who continually find the need to dump in the Wastelands...

PEACE
...be calm...