onwards towards death...

so, back on the dying tip...

i can't believe i'm 40 years old.

seems kind of stupid, but i just didn't think this far ahead when i was a kid. i envisioned being an adult frequently enough, but i guess it wasn't in specifics. much of the shit i thought i'd being doing as an adult has yet to be realized. a few of the things are not likely to be realized at this point.

i can remember back to 3, and i have always been fascinated w/the universe in some form or another. i wanted to be an astronaut. unless commercial space flight ensues prior to my physical expiration, doesn't look like i'll be stellar gazing up close & in person anytime soon. i'm not mad. all things considered, wouldn't want to go in a space shuttle or much else made by NASA.

i thought i'd have a house built to my specs. considering my current financial state, my economic history, & the general denial of the public of the failures of capitalism, i doubt i'll be doing this one either. i suppose i could win the lotto, but i don't fucking gamble. i always say if luck was real, i'd have the bad kind. don't consider that pessimistic at all. i'm just really great friends w/Murphy's.

speaking of death, 3 days ago was the 2nd anniversary of my egg donor's physical ceasement. dunno what the sperm donor's status is. doesn't seem to matter much. i can readily acknowledge missing having parents, but fortunately, my memories are great reality checks. at least i maintain w/my step-dad, even though i don't really like that particular familial reference.

slowly, slowly, death creeps upon us...

make like i love the funky humans who continually find the need to dump in the Wastelands...

PEACE
...be calm...