specifics of the flawed being...

this year i discovered the nature of my wacky & sometimes wack ass life. to know that you have talent & intellect, but still not quite achieve what you set out to achieve can be quite frustrating. if you have any sense of self you'll likely begin to question even your most basic movements in the finite realm.

in a worst case scenario this tends to nurture extremely low self-esteem. conceit is not pleasant, but incessant questioning of your personal motivations can be quite detrimental to accomplishing established goals.

what happens when you do not recall your motivations? what happens when you have conflicting motivations? what happens when your motivations move in & out of your working thoughts in the pursuit of a long-term goal?

there aren't really any upbeat answers to any of the above questions. these are the challenges of a very specific characteristic of finite being.

attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has apparently been at the root of much of the frustration that i have experienced during my finite journey.

i'm not all that hyper, & the idea that ADHD (or ADD) can be simply considered as chronically short attention span is disturbingly false.

i'm quite guilty of making jokes & ignorant references regarding the presence of ADD in others. in studying the true nature of the condition i discovered that i live w/it & have done so my entire life.

knowing has a certain settling effect, but i'm still struggling w/the way i live as a result of the way my brain seems to function.

this in & of itself is quite frustrating, because i am quite intelligent, but my finite path is not quite reflective of my intellect at times. ADD explains much of this, but it is not an excuse, & it also doesn't make any of the bullshit go away. fortunately, in my elder years i am learning to develop better patience for dealing w/the bullshit. this is especially true regarding the bullshit that i create through my decision making process. finite being predicates flaws. knowing this does not mean the flaws are desirable.

the really bugged thing about this discovery is that many of the aspects of my life that are + also stem from the way my brain functions w/ADD.

i can be frustrated, but i can't be mad at that! i have a love for self goes a long way toward keeping me away from the dark ways of thinking that i used fall victim to.

every day is a new 1 & the finite must K.I.M....

make like the struggle of the finite is...

PEACE
...be calm...