now what...

i have recently come to the realization that i have not done enough to make self relevant to other humans. this isn't on a personal consideration basis, but more on a beneficial social interaction basis. specifically i have not secured enough knowledge/skill for me to commodify self. for some odd reason i thought this would no longer be an issue once i earned my undergrad degree.

ooops...

so, does this mean i have no skill/talent? no. what this does mean is that i have not spent enough time enhancing my natural abilities to the point where other humans will readily part w/their income for whatever it is i'm doing.

simple version: i currently seem to have little value as an employee.

it isn't that i don't have potential. it's more a lack of refined skill & the fact that i seem to require a particular environment to get the most of self. i am too susceptible to distraction. i continue to develop comprehension of the ways AVD affects my finite functioning. there are activities that i should have been participating in on a daily basis that i have neglected. the result is a rather large gap between where i would like to be & where i actually find self.

practice does not make you perfect. it does make you better, & i have not gotten too much better at certain skills that would enhance my commodification status. this situation itself is not unusual. what makes this unusual is that i am just figuring out the specifics of this after being on the planet for 4 decades.

it really isn't a matter of being late. the issue is how to alleviate the problem & keep moving in a productive direction. there is much work to do, & i remain highly distractible. it is what it is...

i figure my best option is to be an entrepreneur, but i still have to be able to provide some value in service or product. i have been working on this issue for over 20 years. it's quite disturbing to see quite clearly that i have not yet solved the problem. i know this: there is no solution that does not require great change on my part.

the struggle continues...

make like i've got it all figured out...

PEACE
...be calm...