what the sheazle!

proud to say i am today my gig employed full-time. excited yes why quite i am which made me write this rhyme. persistent in my effort now seems to have paid off. success is yes the best revenge for those left me naught. to gloat i won't to brag i shant but pleased i sure will be. unlike so many years before this one's been good to me. soon i shall receive my works in form of a degree. although it took what seems so long i feel deservedly that finally i'll have the chance to raise my arms and say, "look at me. i did do it. i graduated yaaaay!"

my apologies for the Seussian lyricism. well, not really, but i thought it'd be nice to say it anyway. i'm obviously in a jipper-skipper mood. i ain't rich, but i am on a path towards more stable financial status. the reality of my financial situation has always been my lack of sustainable income. granted, i have only been at this gig 6 months and there's no guarantee things will go well. but i feel a great deal better than i have for quite some time about my income and various other personal issues that we all deal with as adults. many of these things most people probably take for granted. i'm sure i did as well. perhaps that is what led to the difficulties that i've experienced prior to my current situation. some have called me pessimistic. i prefer to call myself realistic. i don't know if i'd say i'm pragmatic. i've done some off the wall sheazle in my time, but for the most part i'm just trying to pursue my goals.

i didn't really consider in my late teens early 20's that i would become a member of probably the largest economic class of this society: the poor. [ha!ha!] but seriously, i had no reason to believe i would not go to college, graduate and start a wonderful career making 5+ figures with the phat bennies. didn't happen. how about it's taken me damn near the 2nd half of my life so far just to get my bachelor's? how about i almost didn't even live to see this day? of course that would have been my fault entirely. it's odd to me now that i didn't realize sooner in my life that i suffered from depression. at least to the extent that it was severe enough for me to need professional help and intervention. fortunately my persistence at self-termination did not pay off. how about that? i'm sure everyone experiences frustration in life, but with depression it's like it gets magnified to such an extreme level. combine that with the logical aspects of my thought process and you get a dangerous pattern of thoughts that questions why there should be any effort at all if it does not lead to some positive result at some point.

current up status is hopefully going to be a prolonged state of being. i've had some trying days over the past few months, but more often than not i've been able to work through. as always its a work in progress, but progress is the key word. stagnation = frustration = depression = whoa! gotta stay away from that equation at all costs. seeing as how no one really sees this blog yet, guess it doesn't much matter what i suggest, but i'll do it anyway. if you have any doubts whatsoever about your state of mind, seek professional help. it works. it isn't even about medication. i did it and without medication it really made a difference in my approach to my life's conflicts. i was already pretty good at observing myself, but there were some rather significant aspects of my personal and family life that i was in some denial about. i haven't been in about 2 years now, but i'd go back in a minute. can't work out 30+ years worth of issues out in a matter of weeks or even months. that wouldn't seem to make any sense at all if it even slightly true.

well now that's a 1/4 of a mindful for an entry...

make like a pop fly...

PEACE