i haven't eaten since yesterday around about this time.
i've been working on maintaining my calm when dealing w/youngest godren's lack of focus.
i realized yesterday that i have to do a much better job of maintaining my calm when he isn't maintaining his.
it is imperative that he learns early to focus on focusing (his words).
this focus shit is no goddamn joke...
make like the whole squad is not challenged by lack of focus...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
stop that shit...
i have to stop leaving my mail for weeks at a time...
i just opened a letter tonight that was for an appointment this morning. i have serious issues w/focus. being aware of it doesn't necessarily mean i have it under control...
i literally have a nasty high pile of fucking mail sitting on my living room coffee table. this shit is unacceptable. i am working on organizing & re-focusing self for 2010. i really have to stop this shit.
it's essentially allowing me to fuck my life up when there isn't anything else wrong happening...
make like procrastinating & ignoring things is great way to resolve issues...
PEACE
...be calm...
i just opened a letter tonight that was for an appointment this morning. i have serious issues w/focus. being aware of it doesn't necessarily mean i have it under control...
i literally have a nasty high pile of fucking mail sitting on my living room coffee table. this shit is unacceptable. i am working on organizing & re-focusing self for 2010. i really have to stop this shit.
it's essentially allowing me to fuck my life up when there isn't anything else wrong happening...
make like procrastinating & ignoring things is great way to resolve issues...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
parental challenges...
i grew up w/relatively shitty parenting.
this is not an amazing statement.
many humans can legitimately make this statement. the reasons are not as important as the lesson to learn from the truth of the situation.
i always said i didn't want to bring new human life into the physical plane, but my lack of focus allowed me to do otherwise. DO NOT get it twiznistified: I LOVE MY YOUNG HUMANS TO FIGHT TO MY DEATH! i just don't like the idea of them having to be out & about w/all the other fucked up humans out here. they deal w/enough shit from me & their mother.
that said, i've been adjusting my approach to the youngest of the 2 young humans. he is extremely emotionally sensitive, much like his father. i don't want him to be emotionally disadvantaged like i have been throughout life thus far, so i tell him the truth as much as possible. i do this w/both of the godren, but younger is not used to dealing w/some of the harsh messages that he now hears from me.
i hope he can adjust w/o me causing too much additional emotional damage. i do not feel i can soften up too much, because i see what happens to soft humans when i look to my sperm donor. his weakness caused me a great deal of suffering throughout my life. my weaknesses (predominantly my lack of focus) cause my godren to suffer unnecessarily at times. i don't know if either of these cats will help bring new human life into the physical or not, but i want them to be fully aware of the ills of the world. i want them to fight for truth & provide as much healing as they possibly can, but not blindly.
i hope they comprehend the reasoning behind my methods when they get to be adult humans. they have to be strong or they face the prospect of being physically &/or emotionally eaten alive by the savagery of ignorant humans across the planet...
make like i or any other human has all the answers...
PEACE
...be calm...
this is not an amazing statement.
many humans can legitimately make this statement. the reasons are not as important as the lesson to learn from the truth of the situation.
i always said i didn't want to bring new human life into the physical plane, but my lack of focus allowed me to do otherwise. DO NOT get it twiznistified: I LOVE MY YOUNG HUMANS TO FIGHT TO MY DEATH! i just don't like the idea of them having to be out & about w/all the other fucked up humans out here. they deal w/enough shit from me & their mother.
that said, i've been adjusting my approach to the youngest of the 2 young humans. he is extremely emotionally sensitive, much like his father. i don't want him to be emotionally disadvantaged like i have been throughout life thus far, so i tell him the truth as much as possible. i do this w/both of the godren, but younger is not used to dealing w/some of the harsh messages that he now hears from me.
i hope he can adjust w/o me causing too much additional emotional damage. i do not feel i can soften up too much, because i see what happens to soft humans when i look to my sperm donor. his weakness caused me a great deal of suffering throughout my life. my weaknesses (predominantly my lack of focus) cause my godren to suffer unnecessarily at times. i don't know if either of these cats will help bring new human life into the physical or not, but i want them to be fully aware of the ills of the world. i want them to fight for truth & provide as much healing as they possibly can, but not blindly.
i hope they comprehend the reasoning behind my methods when they get to be adult humans. they have to be strong or they face the prospect of being physically &/or emotionally eaten alive by the savagery of ignorant humans across the planet...
make like i or any other human has all the answers...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
making moves, or move making?
how about both...
i have to...
life by example. (no that is not a typo!)
make like i'm not going to see the gods in concert...
PEACE
...be calm...
i have to...
- organize better
- focus more intently
- plan more efficiently
- execute like lethal injection
- establish balance like it's going out of style
life by example. (no that is not a typo!)
make like i'm not going to see the gods in concert...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, January 18, 2010
the ear-ly years...
i just realized a few minutes ago that my 1st ever piece of audio media, in my preferred vinyl format, was War - Why Can't We Be Friends?
this is a really nice album. i was 5 or 6...hold on...5...the album was released in '75 according to my info...
the egg donor copped it for me for my born day...a + rememberance...that's nice...
contradictory messages from your older humans as a young human can be quite damaging if not simply confusing...
she used to cop radios & stereo systems for me too, but she sold my electric guitar for $15.00, go figure!
make like it makes sense to fuck w/your music loving human's musical pursuits...
PEACE
...be calm...
this is a really nice album. i was 5 or 6...hold on...5...the album was released in '75 according to my info...
the egg donor copped it for me for my born day...a + rememberance...that's nice...
contradictory messages from your older humans as a young human can be quite damaging if not simply confusing...
she used to cop radios & stereo systems for me too, but she sold my electric guitar for $15.00, go figure!
make like it makes sense to fuck w/your music loving human's musical pursuits...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
reconnecting w/the physical...
my desire for life balance has lead to the freeing of my mind...
i still have to maintain my physical being though. it is often like i'm living 2 lives at 1 time. my physical which is obviously important, & my spiritual (mind) which supersedes all things.
having comprehension of the mind's connection to that which is the universe does not seem to free the body from its responsibilities to the physical realm.
always balance & always focus...
decisions need to be made & goals actualized. thinking to being to doing...
actions speak!
make like i never procrastinate...
PEACE
...be calm...
i still have to maintain my physical being though. it is often like i'm living 2 lives at 1 time. my physical which is obviously important, & my spiritual (mind) which supersedes all things.
having comprehension of the mind's connection to that which is the universe does not seem to free the body from its responsibilities to the physical realm.
always balance & always focus...
decisions need to be made & goals actualized. thinking to being to doing...
actions speak!
make like i never procrastinate...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, January 11, 2010
is tuning some true wickedness lately...
poetic license is something that likely should never have been revealed to me...
i do what the fuck i want w/words nowadays...
this line of thought is courtesy of the fact that i can say "wickedness" & mean the complete denotative opposite...
that's a lovely power to wield. it's so simple & yet so few people realize what can be done w/honest communication. then again, the fact that so few people realize this is not at all an accident.
kind of hard to learn how to move the human mind w/words when it isn't exactly being actively taught at human education centers...
innovative thought that counters the status quo is not generally rewarded the way innovative thought ought to be...keep the dangerous minds quiet w/the big F:
F-E-A-R
you can handle the rest by perpetuating structured ignorance...seems to be working quite well at the moment...
& now on tuning...focus is quite important to universal signal recognition...
make like the creatives are not the messengers of the universe...
PEACE
...be calm...
i do what the fuck i want w/words nowadays...
this line of thought is courtesy of the fact that i can say "wickedness" & mean the complete denotative opposite...
that's a lovely power to wield. it's so simple & yet so few people realize what can be done w/honest communication. then again, the fact that so few people realize this is not at all an accident.
kind of hard to learn how to move the human mind w/words when it isn't exactly being actively taught at human education centers...
innovative thought that counters the status quo is not generally rewarded the way innovative thought ought to be...keep the dangerous minds quiet w/the big F:
F-E-A-R
you can handle the rest by perpetuating structured ignorance...seems to be working quite well at the moment...
& now on tuning...focus is quite important to universal signal recognition...
make like the creatives are not the messengers of the universe...
PEACE
...be calm...
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
a truly free mind...
...is a beautiful thing.
the problem IMO is that true freedom for humans borders on anarchy & chaos. true freedom of the mind would require that individual humans actually be responsible for themselves in light of the other humans.
this seems simple enough, but in my studies of human existence, it appears to be damn near impossible for any productive length of time.
fear is the greatest common human character flaw. there are those of us who understand this universal characteristic of human behavior & have devised methods of social exploitation based on its manipulation.
there are entire religions, countries, belief systems, political movements, organizations, etc. whose only real power over the minds of humans is the fear that is instilled through the teachings of that particular group.
this is akin to widescale mental abuse. it's essentially psychological torture. it is not a conspiracy. it is systematic. it is not an accident, it is the manifestation of superior planning & execution...
those of us who come to understand such things have to begin to come together to fight these tactics w/the universal truths of reality...
make like 3rd eye lies i don't despise...
PEACE
...be calm...
the problem IMO is that true freedom for humans borders on anarchy & chaos. true freedom of the mind would require that individual humans actually be responsible for themselves in light of the other humans.
this seems simple enough, but in my studies of human existence, it appears to be damn near impossible for any productive length of time.
fear is the greatest common human character flaw. there are those of us who understand this universal characteristic of human behavior & have devised methods of social exploitation based on its manipulation.
there are entire religions, countries, belief systems, political movements, organizations, etc. whose only real power over the minds of humans is the fear that is instilled through the teachings of that particular group.
this is akin to widescale mental abuse. it's essentially psychological torture. it is not a conspiracy. it is systematic. it is not an accident, it is the manifestation of superior planning & execution...
those of us who come to understand such things have to begin to come together to fight these tactics w/the universal truths of reality...
make like 3rd eye lies i don't despise...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, January 04, 2010
studying other humans...
IMO most people look at self-help books like there are answers in there. there are no answers...
there is no cheat sheet to life!
i'm beginning to get into reading the memoirs of certain peeps. i just read Charley Murphy's The Making Of A Stand-up Guy. not only did i find it entertaining, but the insights & wisdom were quite useful.
i'm not going to go out & start acting like Charlie Murphy hoping that i achieve his level of life comfort. that would be unreasonable & unrealistic. i'm not Charlie Murphy. what i can do is abstract the experiences that he related & try to apply the science to my actions, decisions, & views.
i'm too busy being me & trying to get that correct to bust my ass trying to be some other person!
GTFOH!
make like negative energy doesn't fuck creativity up!
PEACE
...be calm...
there is no cheat sheet to life!
i'm beginning to get into reading the memoirs of certain peeps. i just read Charley Murphy's The Making Of A Stand-up Guy. not only did i find it entertaining, but the insights & wisdom were quite useful.
i'm not going to go out & start acting like Charlie Murphy hoping that i achieve his level of life comfort. that would be unreasonable & unrealistic. i'm not Charlie Murphy. what i can do is abstract the experiences that he related & try to apply the science to my actions, decisions, & views.
i'm too busy being me & trying to get that correct to bust my ass trying to be some other person!
GTFOH!
make like negative energy doesn't fuck creativity up!
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, January 02, 2010
that tingly sensation in my neck...
...WTF is that all about?
i have some interesting feelings about the goings on of 2010. i am feeling a confidence that i have not experienced during my entire existence as a human. at least, i do not recall ever feeling this vibe previously. that's pretty significant considering that my collection of recollections is pretty thick...
it's almost a lock that i have adult ADHD. i seem to exhibit currently & in much of the past the classic symptoms. i used to joke about it, but it would appear that some of my social issues were related to how i interact w/my environment. i thought it was just from not being allowed to socialize w/my peers.
imagine that...
i'm officially making 2010 the year of major change. this applies to mental & physical being...
make like i've been whipping the 2-wheel on a regular basis...
PEACE
...be calm...
i have some interesting feelings about the goings on of 2010. i am feeling a confidence that i have not experienced during my entire existence as a human. at least, i do not recall ever feeling this vibe previously. that's pretty significant considering that my collection of recollections is pretty thick...
it's almost a lock that i have adult ADHD. i seem to exhibit currently & in much of the past the classic symptoms. i used to joke about it, but it would appear that some of my social issues were related to how i interact w/my environment. i thought it was just from not being allowed to socialize w/my peers.
imagine that...
i'm officially making 2010 the year of major change. this applies to mental & physical being...
make like i've been whipping the 2-wheel on a regular basis...
PEACE
...be calm...
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