the search for excitement...

the problems that i have w/my home life seem to stem greatly from the frustration i feel w/the home i've created.

too many distractions. the young humans are quite oblivious to most of what it is i try to instill in them. this is pretty much the norm in most interactions between young & older humans. the problem w/me is i tend to get overly bent out of shape.

unacceptable.

i often try to consider their behavior & actions in terms of what i was like at their ages. i find that many older humans ignore such considerations. it is a difficult thing to maintain during those especially trying moments.

anger is not received well by young humans. anger is not really received well by any human when you fully consider it. how can 1 human expect to effectively communicate to another while presenting their messages through the haze of anger?

i am frustrated w/my frustration at this point.

this is not an exciting situation.

to know what is needed is not quite the same as actually acquiring it...

make like i don't need to get my shit together better...

PEACE
...be calm...

working w/a pocket full of 0...

my everyday struggle is not commercially viable.

i have a difficult time using what i possess to make my way as a finite being w/any real consistency.

it's quite frustrating.

having the level of human comprehension that i do it would seem that i should be able to function significantly more proficiently than what i have thus far.

it's almost like being teased in a way.

i know i have to work this out, but i just don't generally seem to do what i need to do to get along w/things.

procrastination is not a strong enough word to describe the way i misappropriate the time & talents that i have been able to filter through the fog.

i can see the accident coming but i don't do much to stop it.

sounds like a bad dream.

there is no waking up from reality though...

make like i'm not tired of being tired...

PEACE
...be calm...

a breeze through the gap...

there is a gap between the glass & the wood in the window of my office...

makes for quite a bit of background noise & chilly air this time of year.

reminds of the finite/infinite disparity.

i have a lot of work to do.

some gaps are easier to manage than others!

make like i don't need to fill the gap...

PEACE
...be calm...

50,000,000 ideas...

gaining the comprehension of my consciousness in the universe as god has not alleviated the problems experienced as a finite being.

the mind's separation from the body is a great obstacle...

i have always had many, many ideas. having them & consistently not being able to put them to constructive use is not a pleasant experience.

when your life is the product of your own manufacture, it is difficult to find fault outside of poor decisions on the part of self. it isn't about blame. it is about learning from the errors so as not to constantly repeat them.

apparently i am not doing so well. there is a reason why this perpetuates in my finite travels, but my awareness of the reason makes the experience no less distasteful.

i have created far too many unpleasant distractions for self thus far in life.

being god does not make them go away.

being responsible requires that i handle my business.

my business is not going so well.

the distance is expansive. hopefully it is not beyond my means of conscious travel...

make like this shit is easy...

PEACE
...be calm...

the escape...

there is now a better explanation for the oddities that encompass my human.

my fascination w/freedom & equity...

my hedonistic nature...

my apparent sporadic artistic pursuits of being...

i've always been aware of what i refer to as a dichotomous nature to my personality. sometimes i feel trapped, but i have never exactly felt the need to hide my ways. obviously there are certain ways about me that i can't roam about & display, but i figure most humans have such ways. perhaps mine can be a bit extreme, but i've always seemed to manage that.

in some ways i'm beginning to view my management of these issues as what keeps me perpetually boggled. i am not free to be as frequently as i would like...

i do not consistently do what i need to do to be where i'd like to see...

fortunately, i do not blame others for my issue(s).

i'm working on a means of lessening the effect of said issue(s)...

make like this is going to be easy...

PEACE
...be calm...