L.R.O.I....

Low Return On Investment

that's how i describe my current family life.

i get angry sometimes, but the reality is likely i have/had unrealistic expectations. my current situation is a reflection of my questionable decision making.

meeting a chick at a busted strip club & working to create a relationship w/her is an unusual enough idea. factor in she's a high school dropout, has a baby w/questionable paternity, is an incest survivor, etc. & you have a person that most cats would have run away from at top speed.

not me.

i thought i could help. i thought being supportive & loving would make a + difference. over a decade later i'm left w/a particular emptiness & the responsibility of caring for the fresh human that resulted from this apparently handicapped relationship. it seems that AVD plays a role in this situation as well. what comes off as selfishness, uncommunicativeness, & insensitivity is very likely AVD manifesting itself. it might not be so bad if there wasn't such a history of repetitive deceit & infidelity. being taken from w/o being given to creates a very distinct drain on the psyche.

distractions...

i suppose i have little reason to have any confidence in my family relations. how inspiring...

make like having shitty family relations is encouraging...

PEACE
...be calm...