so...
i used to be organized.
i used to ride my bike all over the city.
i used to do quite a few things that i just don't seem to be doing at the present. it's disturbing.
i used to be working at a gig i couldn't stand.
now i'm trying to figure out where the fuck am i gonna gig. WTF...
my entrepreneurial endeavors are doing as they usually have thus far in life...nada...
a lack of consistent focus can fuck your shit up real bad.
it's not too useful to have 50 million ideas & not to follow through w/1 of them.
the only thing i seem to have some grip on is K.I.M.. problem is where exactly is it i'm moving to...
i've got about another 40-50 years left of natural finitude. obviously that's not guaranteed, but i'm not particularly enthused about living the remaining years as i have the previous 20.
no thank you!
i can't stop, but that doesn't mean i need to move forward w/a bag full of broken shit on my stick either...
make like i've got it all figured out...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, September 06, 2010
the meaning of infinite...
whoa!
i've been missin'...
shit's just been as it always has. foraging through my reality & trying to sort the finite from the infinite...
this ADD shit is deep. doesn't change the frame of reality just perception of such. my comprehension does not at all negate my godly essence. in fact, it makes my daily struggles that much more irritating.
comprehension of the finite reality is required to balance these discrepancies between expectations & actual results.
i'm working it out as it is. some days are fucking horrible. some days are mad + w/upliftment. the goal is to increase the + while minimizing the -.
this summer's been a particularly rough 1. as always my finances are an issue. at least now i have some more depth of comprehension of the nature of my finite issues. a lack of focus is a severe detriment to accomplishing any goal.
am i fucking up, or am i fucked up?
the answer is not as important as creating an environment where it doesn't become necessary to ask such a question...
BOOM!
make like comprehension is not essential...
PEACE
...be calm...
i've been missin'...
shit's just been as it always has. foraging through my reality & trying to sort the finite from the infinite...
this ADD shit is deep. doesn't change the frame of reality just perception of such. my comprehension does not at all negate my godly essence. in fact, it makes my daily struggles that much more irritating.
comprehension of the finite reality is required to balance these discrepancies between expectations & actual results.
i'm working it out as it is. some days are fucking horrible. some days are mad + w/upliftment. the goal is to increase the + while minimizing the -.
this summer's been a particularly rough 1. as always my finances are an issue. at least now i have some more depth of comprehension of the nature of my finite issues. a lack of focus is a severe detriment to accomplishing any goal.
am i fucking up, or am i fucked up?
the answer is not as important as creating an environment where it doesn't become necessary to ask such a question...
BOOM!
make like comprehension is not essential...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
specifics of the flawed being...
this year i discovered the nature of my wacky & sometimes wack ass life. to know that you have talent & intellect, but still not quite achieve what you set out to achieve can be quite frustrating. if you have any sense of self you'll likely begin to question even your most basic movements in the finite realm.
in a worst case scenario this tends to nurture extremely low self-esteem. conceit is not pleasant, but incessant questioning of your personal motivations can be quite detrimental to accomplishing established goals.
what happens when you do not recall your motivations? what happens when you have conflicting motivations? what happens when your motivations move in & out of your working thoughts in the pursuit of a long-term goal?
there aren't really any upbeat answers to any of the above questions. these are the challenges of a very specific characteristic of finite being.
attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has apparently been at the root of much of the frustration that i have experienced during my finite journey.
i'm not all that hyper, & the idea that ADHD (or ADD) can be simply considered as chronically short attention span is disturbingly false.
i'm quite guilty of making jokes & ignorant references regarding the presence of ADD in others. in studying the true nature of the condition i discovered that i live w/it & have done so my entire life.
knowing has a certain settling effect, but i'm still struggling w/the way i live as a result of the way my brain seems to function.
this in & of itself is quite frustrating, because i am quite intelligent, but my finite path is not quite reflective of my intellect at times. ADD explains much of this, but it is not an excuse, & it also doesn't make any of the bullshit go away. fortunately, in my elder years i am learning to develop better patience for dealing w/the bullshit. this is especially true regarding the bullshit that i create through my decision making process. finite being predicates flaws. knowing this does not mean the flaws are desirable.
the really bugged thing about this discovery is that many of the aspects of my life that are + also stem from the way my brain functions w/ADD.
i can be frustrated, but i can't be mad at that! i have a love for self goes a long way toward keeping me away from the dark ways of thinking that i used fall victim to.
every day is a new 1 & the finite must K.I.M....
make like the struggle of the finite is...
PEACE
...be calm...
in a worst case scenario this tends to nurture extremely low self-esteem. conceit is not pleasant, but incessant questioning of your personal motivations can be quite detrimental to accomplishing established goals.
what happens when you do not recall your motivations? what happens when you have conflicting motivations? what happens when your motivations move in & out of your working thoughts in the pursuit of a long-term goal?
there aren't really any upbeat answers to any of the above questions. these are the challenges of a very specific characteristic of finite being.
attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) has apparently been at the root of much of the frustration that i have experienced during my finite journey.
i'm not all that hyper, & the idea that ADHD (or ADD) can be simply considered as chronically short attention span is disturbingly false.
i'm quite guilty of making jokes & ignorant references regarding the presence of ADD in others. in studying the true nature of the condition i discovered that i live w/it & have done so my entire life.
knowing has a certain settling effect, but i'm still struggling w/the way i live as a result of the way my brain seems to function.
this in & of itself is quite frustrating, because i am quite intelligent, but my finite path is not quite reflective of my intellect at times. ADD explains much of this, but it is not an excuse, & it also doesn't make any of the bullshit go away. fortunately, in my elder years i am learning to develop better patience for dealing w/the bullshit. this is especially true regarding the bullshit that i create through my decision making process. finite being predicates flaws. knowing this does not mean the flaws are desirable.
the really bugged thing about this discovery is that many of the aspects of my life that are + also stem from the way my brain functions w/ADD.
i can be frustrated, but i can't be mad at that! i have a love for self goes a long way toward keeping me away from the dark ways of thinking that i used fall victim to.
every day is a new 1 & the finite must K.I.M....
make like the struggle of the finite is...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
perspective variance...
i tend to look at things in a fashion that often appears to differ from what is considered the norm.
i also enjoy manipulating character sequences in an effort to create communicative forms of human expression.
the finite & the infinite...
the balance is critical.
this is not a mystical message.
i suppose i'm streaming & the thoughts may appear disjointed at some later point in time.
maintaining synchronization between the nature & the being is something some apparently do better than others. my syncing is a little off at times. i find observation of the results quite interesting. experiencing the results as they are being created can sometimes be particularly disturbing.
such is my finite experience.
either way i feel much more settled in awareness than in ignorance.
unfortunately, impatience sometimes obscures my ability to truly appreciate said awareness.
make like i don't have things to do...
PEACE
...be calm...
i also enjoy manipulating character sequences in an effort to create communicative forms of human expression.
the finite & the infinite...
the balance is critical.
this is not a mystical message.
i suppose i'm streaming & the thoughts may appear disjointed at some later point in time.
maintaining synchronization between the nature & the being is something some apparently do better than others. my syncing is a little off at times. i find observation of the results quite interesting. experiencing the results as they are being created can sometimes be particularly disturbing.
such is my finite experience.
either way i feel much more settled in awareness than in ignorance.
unfortunately, impatience sometimes obscures my ability to truly appreciate said awareness.
make like i don't have things to do...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 23, 2010
suddenly all the jokes aren't so funny...
A.D.D./A.D.H.D....
attention defeciet disorder/attention defeciet hyperactivity disorder...
i am tending to go w/the 3 as opposed to the 4 letter version. based on what i've recently studied it should be A.V.D. - attention variability disorder. looks like the abbreviation to a sequel in the Aliens v. Predators franchise.
long story short, it would appear that i have been suffering from an inconsistent ability to maintain my attention to whatever my entire life thus far. i must say the ideas that an individual w/A.D.D. lacks in intelligence are obviously not true in my case. such ideas are actually not true in many cases.
there are supposed to be several historically great humans who have suffered from this same condition.
my comprehension of my place in the universe does not help much w/this knowledge. my awareness of this condition of living fits right in w/the finite/infinite though. i have a known but variable gap that distinctly exists between my nature & my being.
how is that?
this condition is regarded as a neurological condition. this means it is a problem w/the way the brain (finite physical) functions. i have said prior that i receive messages & share them when i do. if the brain is not properly receiving/transmitting it's signals, this would explain the all over the placeness that i've experienced over the years.
it's quite frustrating to know how intelligent you are & to not seem to be able to provide the proof of such intelligence in one's style of living. my thoughts tend to be my only reward...
odd, interesting, & often frustrating dilemma...
make like i feel like thinking of something to put here right now...
PEACE
...be calm...
attention defeciet disorder/attention defeciet hyperactivity disorder...
i am tending to go w/the 3 as opposed to the 4 letter version. based on what i've recently studied it should be A.V.D. - attention variability disorder. looks like the abbreviation to a sequel in the Aliens v. Predators franchise.
long story short, it would appear that i have been suffering from an inconsistent ability to maintain my attention to whatever my entire life thus far. i must say the ideas that an individual w/A.D.D. lacks in intelligence are obviously not true in my case. such ideas are actually not true in many cases.
there are supposed to be several historically great humans who have suffered from this same condition.
my comprehension of my place in the universe does not help much w/this knowledge. my awareness of this condition of living fits right in w/the finite/infinite though. i have a known but variable gap that distinctly exists between my nature & my being.
how is that?
this condition is regarded as a neurological condition. this means it is a problem w/the way the brain (finite physical) functions. i have said prior that i receive messages & share them when i do. if the brain is not properly receiving/transmitting it's signals, this would explain the all over the placeness that i've experienced over the years.
it's quite frustrating to know how intelligent you are & to not seem to be able to provide the proof of such intelligence in one's style of living. my thoughts tend to be my only reward...
odd, interesting, & often frustrating dilemma...
make like i feel like thinking of something to put here right now...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 09, 2010
the human strikes again...
today i flipped out.
that is all, but all that is not.
awareness of nature does not preclude faults of being. hijacking my own blog makes days like this interesting if not challenging to discuss.
i've recently become aware of a particular flaw in my being. it is well documented but not all that well defined. the good thing is it is something that various other humans are well aware of. the problem is that not many humans are fully aware of the extent of said flaw.
i have been living w/this issue my entire finite existence as far as i am aware. the symptoms can make it quite difficult to assimilate w/the herd. oddly & pleasantly enough, i am not all that interested in assimilation anyway.
i am interested in living my finite such that i do not find menial tasks & stimuli frustrating to the point that i strongly desire to wil' the fuck out.
apparently this defined & documented flaw presents itself at times in distinctly intense flashes of anger. in my case these flashes are physically violent at times.
fortunately i have enough control over my being that i do not go around busting open humans when i am agitated.
the being & the nature are not well balanced. i can attest to this quite well w/my finite experience thus far. it is quite unsettling.
it is what it is...
make like finite being is conducive to infinite access to nature...
PEACE
...be calm...
that is all, but all that is not.
awareness of nature does not preclude faults of being. hijacking my own blog makes days like this interesting if not challenging to discuss.
i've recently become aware of a particular flaw in my being. it is well documented but not all that well defined. the good thing is it is something that various other humans are well aware of. the problem is that not many humans are fully aware of the extent of said flaw.
i have been living w/this issue my entire finite existence as far as i am aware. the symptoms can make it quite difficult to assimilate w/the herd. oddly & pleasantly enough, i am not all that interested in assimilation anyway.
i am interested in living my finite such that i do not find menial tasks & stimuli frustrating to the point that i strongly desire to wil' the fuck out.
apparently this defined & documented flaw presents itself at times in distinctly intense flashes of anger. in my case these flashes are physically violent at times.
fortunately i have enough control over my being that i do not go around busting open humans when i am agitated.
the being & the nature are not well balanced. i can attest to this quite well w/my finite experience thus far. it is quite unsettling.
it is what it is...
make like finite being is conducive to infinite access to nature...
PEACE
...be calm...
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
the latest reworking...
in year 5 of producing this expression of human/universal communication i've made some changes. the changes reflect the way(s) i see the reality that we all share. for whatever reason, i see things that some do not wish or bother to see. it would additionally appear that i do not fear speaking the truth.
sadly these traits are not that useful in sharing knowledge when those who recognize their own deficiency in knowledge are willing to work to maintain said deficiency.
make like embracing ignorance is productive...
PEACE
...be calm...
sadly these traits are not that useful in sharing knowledge when those who recognize their own deficiency in knowledge are willing to work to maintain said deficiency.
make like embracing ignorance is productive...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, July 05, 2010
limited transmissions...
i usually establish a goal for posts per month. i don't generally like to make more than 1 post a calendar day, but sometimes i do. since i'm now actually maintaining multiple virtual communication forums, the posts may get light.
10 posts is usually solid for a minimum, but forcing posts is not something i find interesting. perhaps the posting will return to the more finite realm for a few days/weeks.
i suppose it will be however it is...
make like post quotas are imperative...
PEACE
...be calm...
10 posts is usually solid for a minimum, but forcing posts is not something i find interesting. perhaps the posting will return to the more finite realm for a few days/weeks.
i suppose it will be however it is...
make like post quotas are imperative...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, June 28, 2010
wholistic presentation...
since this blog's inception there has been some change in the perspectives & musings expressed. lately i've been leaning more towards discussing my exploring & discoveries as relates to universal reality.
i considered either deleting &/or seperating off the older posts of the blog. it might seem to the mind of a random reader that the entries are not of similar content.
the truth would be that the blog is further proof of the finite being & infinite nature. the earlier posts are highly representative of my finite being perspectives & experiences. these more recent posts are representative of a realignment w/my consciousness of self in relation to the universe & the infinite nature.
this relationship exists for all things, but most if not all finites are quite oblivious to it. for whatever reason, i have had a long relationship w/my interest in studying the realities of universal existence.
i figure it explains my extreme interest in becoming an astronaut as a young finite. i am still quite interested in travelling through the physical universe, but as i am not an astronaut, it is what it is.
speaking of which, this blog is that as well. it is still representative of the journey. i have no interest in truncating this representation of the journey. the importance of the whole superceeds any potential for mistaken comprehension of any of its parts. the efforts to reach across the gap require endless effort.
make like being infinite in the physical is an option...
PEACE
...be calm...
i considered either deleting &/or seperating off the older posts of the blog. it might seem to the mind of a random reader that the entries are not of similar content.
the truth would be that the blog is further proof of the finite being & infinite nature. the earlier posts are highly representative of my finite being perspectives & experiences. these more recent posts are representative of a realignment w/my consciousness of self in relation to the universe & the infinite nature.
this relationship exists for all things, but most if not all finites are quite oblivious to it. for whatever reason, i have had a long relationship w/my interest in studying the realities of universal existence.
i figure it explains my extreme interest in becoming an astronaut as a young finite. i am still quite interested in travelling through the physical universe, but as i am not an astronaut, it is what it is.
speaking of which, this blog is that as well. it is still representative of the journey. i have no interest in truncating this representation of the journey. the importance of the whole superceeds any potential for mistaken comprehension of any of its parts. the efforts to reach across the gap require endless effort.
make like being infinite in the physical is an option...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
changes reflect the universe...
it would seem that finite consciousness tends to desire an unchanging reality. a static existence.
the idea would appear to have its foundation in the inability/unwillingness to deal w/the truth of being physically finite.
consciousness of being finite means consciousness of a beginning & an ending. fear of the unknown combined w/this knowledge is apparently enough to motivate finite beings to create all kinds of ideas that would otherwise be nonsensical.
what is it that stops the human from accepting that there are things that just are not known? would comprehension of the fact that we are finite in the physical make it easier to accept this state of essentially permanent ignorance?
why do some humans try to avoid &/or preempt death? why should death be mourned? this is not to encourage or embrace death prematurely, but discourage the creation of any negative energy around a perfectly universal occurrence. the transfer of energetic states from finite to infinite...
change is 1 of the universe's constants that finite beings should readily comprehend. fighting change so vehemently is 1 of the most disturbing flaws of human social activity. obviously changes toward - behavior should not be embraced or encouraged, but why do many resist + change w/violent behaviors?
fear...
fear is the great controller & motivator of finite being behavior. it has been for far too long. interestingly enough, the more ignorant finite beings seem to be of the infinite nature of reality, the more susceptible to fear they seem to be.
make like it is in god's best interest to control through fear...
PEACE
...be calm...
the idea would appear to have its foundation in the inability/unwillingness to deal w/the truth of being physically finite.
consciousness of being finite means consciousness of a beginning & an ending. fear of the unknown combined w/this knowledge is apparently enough to motivate finite beings to create all kinds of ideas that would otherwise be nonsensical.
what is it that stops the human from accepting that there are things that just are not known? would comprehension of the fact that we are finite in the physical make it easier to accept this state of essentially permanent ignorance?
why do some humans try to avoid &/or preempt death? why should death be mourned? this is not to encourage or embrace death prematurely, but discourage the creation of any negative energy around a perfectly universal occurrence. the transfer of energetic states from finite to infinite...
change is 1 of the universe's constants that finite beings should readily comprehend. fighting change so vehemently is 1 of the most disturbing flaws of human social activity. obviously changes toward - behavior should not be embraced or encouraged, but why do many resist + change w/violent behaviors?
fear...
fear is the great controller & motivator of finite being behavior. it has been for far too long. interestingly enough, the more ignorant finite beings seem to be of the infinite nature of reality, the more susceptible to fear they seem to be.
make like it is in god's best interest to control through fear...
PEACE
...be calm...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
