i was thinking as i woke today about how knowledge is still kept from the average human in today's society. in many senses, ignorance has been institutionalized. there appears to be a great deal of profit to be made from the perpetuation of human ignorance.
education is supposed to be important. funding education doesn't seem to be as important.
even w/the consideration of education being important, it can be observed that most educational goals are shaped around career training. education as the accumulation of universal knowledge seems rarely encouraged & seldom valued.
what career options are made available to those who study universal knowledge? what social status is rendered to those who develop ideas that cannot necessarily be turned into some kind of commodity?
how valuable is knowledge of being? how dangerous is knowledge of the truth? how sure can a human be of the truth when finite perception is limited? w/o some comprehension of the truth of the universe, it is difficult to even consider such questions & their associated issues.
why do i even bother thinking about such things when their consideration does not help me feed or support self & family?
make like knowledge is even remotely finite...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, December 20, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
swimming in the pull...
it sometimes seems like my infinite consciousness & my finite being are moving in opposite directions.
as i grow older & absorb more knowledge, i am better able to comprehend certain aspects of finite existence. i am able to see certain aspects of the human condition from a clearer perspective.
it can be quite frustrating because these realizations appear to be so simple to me. if i was not completely aware of the inability of the next human to perceive as i do, i would likely overly concern self w/why human society seems so stubbornly ignorant of certain human flaws.
the role of violence in human history is a great example. for thousands of years humans have persisted to address/resolve conflict w/the threat &/or use of violence. no matter how advanced human civilization seems to get, the idea of violent conflict resolution is still considered a viable option. the fact that advances in technology have only lead to more massively destructive tools for war speaks directly to this persistent flaw.
unlike many ethnically conscious humans, i do not ascribe this tendency to the prevalence of European influenced society. even a cursory study of human history outside of commonly Eurocentric presentations will reveal that humans have long been plagued by the use of violent conflict resolution. if general ethnic distinctions are made within the human family, the major groups of humans would appear to be African, Asian, American, & European. it seems reasonable to assert here that any other ethnic groupings of the human family extend from mixtures of these groups. even after making such distinctions, it cannot be said w/honesty that European expansionism introduced violent conflict to the various ethnic groupings of humans across the planet.
each major ethnic grouping would appear to have had a period in human history where its culture thrived. we currently find ourselves in a Eurocentric period. the ideas of expansionism associated w/this period would seem to reflect the unavailability of certain resources in the geographic region of the European human. many of the resources that have been considered valuable over the last few thousand years are readily found in the areas of the planet that have increasingly suffered from European expansionism. this is not likely a coincidence.
the prevalence of violence, the introduction of abstract monetary systems, the maintenance of fear inducing social institutions, & other similar social constructs all help to perpetuate expansionist ideas & activities. what better way to acquire & control that which you desire when you have nothing of considerable value to offer in return? if you attempt to trade & are told you have to offer something of similar or greater value, what are you to do when you have little or nothing that fits that description? clearly this type of situation would consistently create human conflict. consider this in relation to the developmental history of European influenced society. Europeans did not introduce the idea of violent human conflict to the human families, however, European society has gone a long way toward advancing the concept of massively destructive conflict.
even w/all this in mind, why do humans across the board continue to embrace violence as a means of resolving conflict? when will adult humans stop acting like spoiled children? why is it taking thousands of years to realize the foolishness of violent human conflict?
now, how is it that i am readily able to consider such abstract concepts, but i consistently struggle w/the everyday issues of my finite existence? in my estimation this is the nature of my gap. AVD is a distinct manifestation of this gap. the frustration is powerful. whatever issues i have as an individual do not negate the considerations above. are my perceptive abilities really so unique that other humans are unable to make such connections? i don't think this so.
what is the problem then?
perhaps if more humans were aware of the true nature of god, some of these issues would be better addressed. would revealing the truth of universal consciousness liberate the human condition, or would it imprison it by further fueling the ignorance of human conceit? it would seem to be a better idea to err on the side of knowledge instead of ignorance. make the truth known, allow the collective consciousness to thrive, & whatever issues remain can be addressed by the collective consciousness.
make like god does not help those...
PEACE
...be calm...
as i grow older & absorb more knowledge, i am better able to comprehend certain aspects of finite existence. i am able to see certain aspects of the human condition from a clearer perspective.
it can be quite frustrating because these realizations appear to be so simple to me. if i was not completely aware of the inability of the next human to perceive as i do, i would likely overly concern self w/why human society seems so stubbornly ignorant of certain human flaws.
the role of violence in human history is a great example. for thousands of years humans have persisted to address/resolve conflict w/the threat &/or use of violence. no matter how advanced human civilization seems to get, the idea of violent conflict resolution is still considered a viable option. the fact that advances in technology have only lead to more massively destructive tools for war speaks directly to this persistent flaw.
unlike many ethnically conscious humans, i do not ascribe this tendency to the prevalence of European influenced society. even a cursory study of human history outside of commonly Eurocentric presentations will reveal that humans have long been plagued by the use of violent conflict resolution. if general ethnic distinctions are made within the human family, the major groups of humans would appear to be African, Asian, American, & European. it seems reasonable to assert here that any other ethnic groupings of the human family extend from mixtures of these groups. even after making such distinctions, it cannot be said w/honesty that European expansionism introduced violent conflict to the various ethnic groupings of humans across the planet.
each major ethnic grouping would appear to have had a period in human history where its culture thrived. we currently find ourselves in a Eurocentric period. the ideas of expansionism associated w/this period would seem to reflect the unavailability of certain resources in the geographic region of the European human. many of the resources that have been considered valuable over the last few thousand years are readily found in the areas of the planet that have increasingly suffered from European expansionism. this is not likely a coincidence.
the prevalence of violence, the introduction of abstract monetary systems, the maintenance of fear inducing social institutions, & other similar social constructs all help to perpetuate expansionist ideas & activities. what better way to acquire & control that which you desire when you have nothing of considerable value to offer in return? if you attempt to trade & are told you have to offer something of similar or greater value, what are you to do when you have little or nothing that fits that description? clearly this type of situation would consistently create human conflict. consider this in relation to the developmental history of European influenced society. Europeans did not introduce the idea of violent human conflict to the human families, however, European society has gone a long way toward advancing the concept of massively destructive conflict.
even w/all this in mind, why do humans across the board continue to embrace violence as a means of resolving conflict? when will adult humans stop acting like spoiled children? why is it taking thousands of years to realize the foolishness of violent human conflict?
now, how is it that i am readily able to consider such abstract concepts, but i consistently struggle w/the everyday issues of my finite existence? in my estimation this is the nature of my gap. AVD is a distinct manifestation of this gap. the frustration is powerful. whatever issues i have as an individual do not negate the considerations above. are my perceptive abilities really so unique that other humans are unable to make such connections? i don't think this so.
what is the problem then?
perhaps if more humans were aware of the true nature of god, some of these issues would be better addressed. would revealing the truth of universal consciousness liberate the human condition, or would it imprison it by further fueling the ignorance of human conceit? it would seem to be a better idea to err on the side of knowledge instead of ignorance. make the truth known, allow the collective consciousness to thrive, & whatever issues remain can be addressed by the collective consciousness.
make like god does not help those...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
the question of an owl...
for many years i have considered self a nocturnal creature. my comprehension of AVD gives me reason to believe this is yet another aspect of my finite existence that is shaped by the aforementioned.
why?
most directly, there are few other humans up during the hours that i find most pleasurable to move about. it is quieter. there are significantly less distractions. i am far more functional in such an environment. i am able to sustain linear thought patterns for far longer when undisturbed by various other randomly occurring stimuli.
the problem w/trying to live this way permanently is that it negates 1 of the more important environmental needs of those w/AVD: human fellowship.
there aren't a great many other humans that keep such hours. when i no longer desire to be left undisturbed, it is quite difficult to find any solidly + human interaction during nocturnal maneuverings.
focus & balance...
i am far more peaceful & settled when i am able to move along w/o being jostled about & overstimulated...
god lives to further comprehend the specifics of my gap management...
make like easy is the way of the truth...
PEACE
...be calm...
why?
most directly, there are few other humans up during the hours that i find most pleasurable to move about. it is quieter. there are significantly less distractions. i am far more functional in such an environment. i am able to sustain linear thought patterns for far longer when undisturbed by various other randomly occurring stimuli.
the problem w/trying to live this way permanently is that it negates 1 of the more important environmental needs of those w/AVD: human fellowship.
there aren't a great many other humans that keep such hours. when i no longer desire to be left undisturbed, it is quite difficult to find any solidly + human interaction during nocturnal maneuverings.
focus & balance...
i am far more peaceful & settled when i am able to move along w/o being jostled about & overstimulated...
god lives to further comprehend the specifics of my gap management...
make like easy is the way of the truth...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
who built this...
me?
yup...
so, based on my studies of AVD, it would appear that i have succeeded in creating & maintaining an environment that is not conducive to the pursuit of my life's goals.
how's that?
imagine that...
i suppose it ought to be mentioned that my choice of relationship(s) has not been representative of what my studies suggest would be best.
what a fuckin' combination!
so, what's next?
how the fuck would i know?
actually i do have some idea. w/o question i have to keep working on these issues. unfortunately, i need help that either does not exist, i cannot reasonably afford, or just isn't likely to be available to someone my age. it is what it is. there is some help available. i'm going to have to do what i can w/what is available.
the knowledge that i've gathered over the years would seem to be far more helpful in these circumstances. the nature of my AVD issues quite often prevents this from being the case. at least i know this. i have to retrain myself. i have to find a way to get through the down times which tend to be a major side effect from my inability to avoid the distractions that foul me up.
such is my existence. this is the foundation of my finite challenge.
it's so magical!
DOH!
make like personal issues change the nature of universal reality...
PEACE
...be calm...
yup...
so, based on my studies of AVD, it would appear that i have succeeded in creating & maintaining an environment that is not conducive to the pursuit of my life's goals.
how's that?
- too many distractions
- not enough support
- way too little + human interaction
- too few + &/or creative outlets
imagine that...
i suppose it ought to be mentioned that my choice of relationship(s) has not been representative of what my studies suggest would be best.
what a fuckin' combination!
so, what's next?
how the fuck would i know?
actually i do have some idea. w/o question i have to keep working on these issues. unfortunately, i need help that either does not exist, i cannot reasonably afford, or just isn't likely to be available to someone my age. it is what it is. there is some help available. i'm going to have to do what i can w/what is available.
the knowledge that i've gathered over the years would seem to be far more helpful in these circumstances. the nature of my AVD issues quite often prevents this from being the case. at least i know this. i have to retrain myself. i have to find a way to get through the down times which tend to be a major side effect from my inability to avoid the distractions that foul me up.
such is my existence. this is the foundation of my finite challenge.
it's so magical!
DOH!
make like personal issues change the nature of universal reality...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, November 29, 2010
a state of constant distraction...
thanks to the writings of Drs. Edward M. Hallowell & John J. Ratey, it would appear that my comprehension of what i will refer to as Attention Variability Disorder/Trait (AVD/T) is becoming more concrete.
the unusual nature of my thought process, universal perception, & the voracity of my imagination are all related to this neurobiological condition.
i'm apparently able to compile & recall large amounts of information, but i can sometimes have a rather difficult time organizing said information into consistently constructive patterns over extended periods of time.
short version: i have difficulty w/ignoring distractions...
it is quite frustrating to me because i know that i am intelligent. apparently many people who deal w/AVD have a difficult time w/their self-esteem. this is especially true w/regard to their intellectual abilities. i do not seem to have this specific issue, but i am rather troubled by the various other issues that i have experienced & continue to experience as a result of AVD.
my task at this point is to redirect my facilities in such a way as to efficiently manage the - aspects of my AVD while aggressively promoting the + aspects. this is not an easy task. it is even more difficult considering that up until this year i had no idea that i even had this issue. my life up to this point has essentially been me leading myself into a lion's den, covered in blood, while sounding a claxon. not a pretty situation. so far, i am still alive & have all my limbs!
i currently live in an environment that is counterproductive to my achievement of progress. it is highly likely that i require daily/weekly coaching, but as a result of my career meanderings, this is not financially feasible. in fact, my entire life at this point in time is not financially feasible. as people w/AVD tend to create piles of unmanageability, i have done so literally & figuratively. not only do i not seem to be able to financially care for self, i have made myself responsible for a family.
ouch!
w/all that i still hold my comprehension of the universe the same. i am still god. the problem is that i have thoroughly disconnected self. god is not singular as most seem to think. collective functioning is at the heart of human society. the idea that individuals are the core of human functioning does not reflect the universal nature of reality. as god it is not a me, but a we existence. in the case of humans like myself w/AVD, it is apparently even more relevant that the collective nature of being be emphasized.
as a collective consciousness, the finite beings that we exist as physically can compensate more for our individual gaps. the more we bridge the gap, the more we approach our universal nature. it is in our best interest overall to function as close as we can to the infinite nature of the universe.
how is it that i am able to see this so clearly? i cannot honestly answer this question. it disturbs me as much as the fact that i don't seem able to properly manage my finite course of business on a day to day basis. interestingly enough, the unusual nature of my thought process as a result of having AVD/T is most likely the source of this universal clarity. i suppose it would be quite easy for those who did not have my best interests in mind to make me out to be some kind of loon. i might even agree w/such people.
i know what i know. what i do not know requires patience & attention. 2 things that people w/AVD do not usually do well in maintaining...
the struggle continues...
make like i never have difficulty w/anything...
PEACE
...be calm...
the unusual nature of my thought process, universal perception, & the voracity of my imagination are all related to this neurobiological condition.
i'm apparently able to compile & recall large amounts of information, but i can sometimes have a rather difficult time organizing said information into consistently constructive patterns over extended periods of time.
short version: i have difficulty w/ignoring distractions...
it is quite frustrating to me because i know that i am intelligent. apparently many people who deal w/AVD have a difficult time w/their self-esteem. this is especially true w/regard to their intellectual abilities. i do not seem to have this specific issue, but i am rather troubled by the various other issues that i have experienced & continue to experience as a result of AVD.
my task at this point is to redirect my facilities in such a way as to efficiently manage the - aspects of my AVD while aggressively promoting the + aspects. this is not an easy task. it is even more difficult considering that up until this year i had no idea that i even had this issue. my life up to this point has essentially been me leading myself into a lion's den, covered in blood, while sounding a claxon. not a pretty situation. so far, i am still alive & have all my limbs!
i currently live in an environment that is counterproductive to my achievement of progress. it is highly likely that i require daily/weekly coaching, but as a result of my career meanderings, this is not financially feasible. in fact, my entire life at this point in time is not financially feasible. as people w/AVD tend to create piles of unmanageability, i have done so literally & figuratively. not only do i not seem to be able to financially care for self, i have made myself responsible for a family.
ouch!
w/all that i still hold my comprehension of the universe the same. i am still god. the problem is that i have thoroughly disconnected self. god is not singular as most seem to think. collective functioning is at the heart of human society. the idea that individuals are the core of human functioning does not reflect the universal nature of reality. as god it is not a me, but a we existence. in the case of humans like myself w/AVD, it is apparently even more relevant that the collective nature of being be emphasized.
as a collective consciousness, the finite beings that we exist as physically can compensate more for our individual gaps. the more we bridge the gap, the more we approach our universal nature. it is in our best interest overall to function as close as we can to the infinite nature of the universe.
how is it that i am able to see this so clearly? i cannot honestly answer this question. it disturbs me as much as the fact that i don't seem able to properly manage my finite course of business on a day to day basis. interestingly enough, the unusual nature of my thought process as a result of having AVD/T is most likely the source of this universal clarity. i suppose it would be quite easy for those who did not have my best interests in mind to make me out to be some kind of loon. i might even agree w/such people.
i know what i know. what i do not know requires patience & attention. 2 things that people w/AVD do not usually do well in maintaining...
the struggle continues...
make like i never have difficulty w/anything...
PEACE
...be calm...
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
the gap widens...
at times i swear i'm becoming less adept at managing this finite existence.
not a good thing.
being able to articulate the problem does not appear to be making that much of a difference in discovering viable solutions.
what is the good of having knowledge if it cannot be consistently put to use for positive gain?
comprehension is not useful w/o concrete action that reflects said comprehension.
make like i'm not frustrated...
PEACE
...be calm...
not a good thing.
being able to articulate the problem does not appear to be making that much of a difference in discovering viable solutions.
what is the good of having knowledge if it cannot be consistently put to use for positive gain?
comprehension is not useful w/o concrete action that reflects said comprehension.
make like i'm not frustrated...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
the search for excitement...
the problems that i have w/my home life seem to stem greatly from the frustration i feel w/the home i've created.
too many distractions. the young humans are quite oblivious to most of what it is i try to instill in them. this is pretty much the norm in most interactions between young & older humans. the problem w/me is i tend to get overly bent out of shape.
unacceptable.
i often try to consider their behavior & actions in terms of what i was like at their ages. i find that many older humans ignore such considerations. it is a difficult thing to maintain during those especially trying moments.
anger is not received well by young humans. anger is not really received well by any human when you fully consider it. how can 1 human expect to effectively communicate to another while presenting their messages through the haze of anger?
i am frustrated w/my frustration at this point.
this is not an exciting situation.
to know what is needed is not quite the same as actually acquiring it...
make like i don't need to get my shit together better...
PEACE
...be calm...
too many distractions. the young humans are quite oblivious to most of what it is i try to instill in them. this is pretty much the norm in most interactions between young & older humans. the problem w/me is i tend to get overly bent out of shape.
unacceptable.
i often try to consider their behavior & actions in terms of what i was like at their ages. i find that many older humans ignore such considerations. it is a difficult thing to maintain during those especially trying moments.
anger is not received well by young humans. anger is not really received well by any human when you fully consider it. how can 1 human expect to effectively communicate to another while presenting their messages through the haze of anger?
i am frustrated w/my frustration at this point.
this is not an exciting situation.
to know what is needed is not quite the same as actually acquiring it...
make like i don't need to get my shit together better...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
working w/a pocket full of 0...
my everyday struggle is not commercially viable.
i have a difficult time using what i possess to make my way as a finite being w/any real consistency.
it's quite frustrating.
having the level of human comprehension that i do it would seem that i should be able to function significantly more proficiently than what i have thus far.
it's almost like being teased in a way.
i know i have to work this out, but i just don't generally seem to do what i need to do to get along w/things.
procrastination is not a strong enough word to describe the way i misappropriate the time & talents that i have been able to filter through the fog.
i can see the accident coming but i don't do much to stop it.
sounds like a bad dream.
there is no waking up from reality though...
make like i'm not tired of being tired...
PEACE
...be calm...
i have a difficult time using what i possess to make my way as a finite being w/any real consistency.
it's quite frustrating.
having the level of human comprehension that i do it would seem that i should be able to function significantly more proficiently than what i have thus far.
it's almost like being teased in a way.
i know i have to work this out, but i just don't generally seem to do what i need to do to get along w/things.
procrastination is not a strong enough word to describe the way i misappropriate the time & talents that i have been able to filter through the fog.
i can see the accident coming but i don't do much to stop it.
sounds like a bad dream.
there is no waking up from reality though...
make like i'm not tired of being tired...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
a breeze through the gap...
there is a gap between the glass & the wood in the window of my office...
makes for quite a bit of background noise & chilly air this time of year.
reminds of the finite/infinite disparity.
i have a lot of work to do.
some gaps are easier to manage than others!
make like i don't need to fill the gap...
PEACE
...be calm...
makes for quite a bit of background noise & chilly air this time of year.
reminds of the finite/infinite disparity.
i have a lot of work to do.
some gaps are easier to manage than others!
make like i don't need to fill the gap...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, October 08, 2010
50,000,000 ideas...
gaining the comprehension of my consciousness in the universe as god has not alleviated the problems experienced as a finite being.
the mind's separation from the body is a great obstacle...
i have always had many, many ideas. having them & consistently not being able to put them to constructive use is not a pleasant experience.
when your life is the product of your own manufacture, it is difficult to find fault outside of poor decisions on the part of self. it isn't about blame. it is about learning from the errors so as not to constantly repeat them.
apparently i am not doing so well. there is a reason why this perpetuates in my finite travels, but my awareness of the reason makes the experience no less distasteful.
i have created far too many unpleasant distractions for self thus far in life.
being god does not make them go away.
being responsible requires that i handle my business.
my business is not going so well.
the distance is expansive. hopefully it is not beyond my means of conscious travel...
make like this shit is easy...
PEACE
...be calm...
the mind's separation from the body is a great obstacle...
i have always had many, many ideas. having them & consistently not being able to put them to constructive use is not a pleasant experience.
when your life is the product of your own manufacture, it is difficult to find fault outside of poor decisions on the part of self. it isn't about blame. it is about learning from the errors so as not to constantly repeat them.
apparently i am not doing so well. there is a reason why this perpetuates in my finite travels, but my awareness of the reason makes the experience no less distasteful.
i have created far too many unpleasant distractions for self thus far in life.
being god does not make them go away.
being responsible requires that i handle my business.
my business is not going so well.
the distance is expansive. hopefully it is not beyond my means of conscious travel...
make like this shit is easy...
PEACE
...be calm...
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