nurture v. nature

i am a solitary type person. i can't quite be sure if i am solitary because of my personality, or if my personality is what it is because of how i grew up. at my age you wouldn't think it would be a consideration at all, but it is. i can work with others in groups quite well, but i am easily frustrated by the stupidity of others. my wife says i'm snobby. i don't know, maybe i am. either way, most people get on my goddamn nerves with their inability to look past the obvious. i suppose i could be more tolerant, but i'm not.

so basically, i can be an asshole sometimes. unfortunately, i think i am a good asshole. why is that unfortunate? basically because i'm not actively trying to curb my assholiness. maybe that isn't a bad thing. my point? i guess that'd be that most people get on my goddamn nerves. [a little repetitive huh?] it's weird, 'cause part of me likes to socialize and interact with other people on a regular basis. problem is i don't seem to be able to find too many people who are willing and able to do so. i don't mean that as a cliche either. seems like people who may be willing to hang out are not people i necessarily would like to spend any significant time around. others just don't appear to share similar interests, but they're always available.

maybe i'm not the only one who is fucked up like this. i don't know. i can only speak for myself, and i spend most of my time speaking to myself. lately i've come to theorize that it has a great deal to do with my prison style social life as directed by warden Mom. it's gotten to the point now where i don't even want to go out of my house unless i absolutely have to do so. sometimes i don't even go outside when i have to go out. i just can't stand to be around other people sometimes. things that most people are easily able to ignore are extremely frustrating to me.

littering is a great example. if it were up to me littering would be punishable by death. i don't mean you accidentally drop a napkin while eating a hot dog or whatever from a street vendor. i mean like opening the window while driving down the street and tossing your half empty bag of fast food into the street. WTF! i hate that shit, but it happens very frequently. apparently, most other people in the city don't give much of a fuck about litter, or there wouldn't be so fucking much of it.

am i ramming? probably. but this is a great example of what i mean about not wanting to be around other people. i know i'm throwed, but i don't think it's too unreasonable to put trash in a trash can or whatever. the fact that few seem to share that sentiment is what signals to me that i just don't fucking fit. so what does that mean? it means i don't fit. story of my life.

make like i'm not disturbed...

PEACE