well now, what the figgle dig...

too bad thinking about posting doesn't equal a post. tried to post this morning but maintenance said no...gotta keep the technology rolling.

speaking of technology, i got my 1st full-time chizzle this week and it's already gone. actually, it was gone before i got it. sucks! i was hoping to cop a cellie-cell (not to be confused w/the obesity that is Shellie-shel) w/this pay, but no haps. it's my own fault. if i hadn't lapsed on my last account i probably wouldn't have to make a deposit to get the new one. good news is the deposit is only $150 per line. i recall the 1st time i tried to get an account the requested deposit was a G! whoa said me. Verizon hooked me up though and i didn't have to pay a deposit at all. my credit had cleared up quite a bit at that time (like it's acne or something right). unfortunately, that was about 6 months before i tried to terminate my existence due to an inability to cope with undue life stressors. oddly, i managed to maintain my cell for a few months after my episode of mental dilapidation. in trying to assist my then estranged wife to rectify her cell account, i lost the ability to financially maintain my personal account. ironic seeing as how i got my personal account because of the strange behavior of said estranged wife. anyways, now i owe the great VZW a cool 3 bills and some change for the balance plus the customary early term fee. on my behalf, i must say i tried ever so valiantly to maintain my side of the bargain. i've always said to bill collectors "if i ain't got, i can't give it."

and now to rant about bill collectors: why do they ask you, when you've informed them of what they should already have some idea of with respect to one's brokenness, "can you borrow it from someone?" WTF! i need someone to explain to me how that is in any way shape or form logical. who in their right financial, or any other type of mind, would lend lumps of cash to an obviously financially challenged, borderline indigent individual? i know i wouldn't do it. it's rather absurd to even make such a suggestion. i remember one cat tried to come at my nizeck. he in all his assninity assumed that i was a recipient of public assistance and just did not want to part ways with the measly cash benefits that DPW provides those who do receive benefits. i kindly informed him that i was a chronically un/underemployed college student living with family and not eating much at all. i also told him that he was a victim of this wonderful Eurocentrically capitalist society that we muddle our way through on a daily basis. he was offended that i referred to him as a European and promptly informed me that he was Middle Eastern/Arabic. i kindly pointed out to him that his ethnicity had nothing to do with his social adherence to Eurocentric ideologies of financial stability. he was rather upset by the end of the call. it was his own fault though for making such assumptions. [ass out of u not me] ahh, adventures with bill collectors...

alligator before my crocodile after while

PEACE

geezle weezle...

it began as a normal day and then i decided to purge all the oxygen from my lungs by riding my bike to fast on my way to class. what an experience it was to exist on the brink of consciousness. i wanted to go sit in a bathroom stall, but i had to lock up my bike. i was so friggin' disoriented that it took the wee bits of my consciousness left to get myself to sit on the bike rack and try to refill my lungs. mind you, i rode at the unnecessary high rate of speed so as not to be late for class. irony would have it that i had to wait until i knew who, what and where i was before i locked up my bike and went on to class. in waiting of course i lost the time i had attempted to not miss by riding fast in the first place. [ha! ha! but not really...] this is the 2nd time since i started riding again that i've done this. i must say this time it was far more a frightening experience. more than anything i was concerned with how embarrassing it would be for my big a** to fall out in front of the building while everybody was doing whatever they were doing. it's rather difficult for someone my size to collapse in public in an inconspicuous manner. i suppose it is difficult for any person to have such an experience in public without anyone noticing, but in my case i tend to believe it's that much more noticable. couple that with the distance i actually have to travel to get from up where i am to the ground is enough that i could cause some minor damage to myself and/or my surroundings. fortunately i was able to sit long enough for my lungs to quit panicking and realize that i was at least attempting to provide them with their much needed and sorely missed oxygen. i'm sure in breathing city air, i may not even be breathing much oxygen in the first place, but you get the idea.

ahh! adventures in stupidity. i was thinking. i do that sometimes you know. right now i'm thinking i'm rather sleepy. can't go to sleep though. i don't get paid to sleep. i suppose i don't get paid to make entries in my blog either, but i can do this and still pay attention. multi-tasking is my friend...

speaking of wizerk, today is officially my first day as a full-time employee. [yaaaay!] thanks in advance for your suport and cooperation.

dang i'm sleepy. shift's almost done though...

make like your name is Jack and Ray Charles is singing...

PEACE

what the sheazle!

proud to say i am today my gig employed full-time. excited yes why quite i am which made me write this rhyme. persistent in my effort now seems to have paid off. success is yes the best revenge for those left me naught. to gloat i won't to brag i shant but pleased i sure will be. unlike so many years before this one's been good to me. soon i shall receive my works in form of a degree. although it took what seems so long i feel deservedly that finally i'll have the chance to raise my arms and say, "look at me. i did do it. i graduated yaaaay!"

my apologies for the Seussian lyricism. well, not really, but i thought it'd be nice to say it anyway. i'm obviously in a jipper-skipper mood. i ain't rich, but i am on a path towards more stable financial status. the reality of my financial situation has always been my lack of sustainable income. granted, i have only been at this gig 6 months and there's no guarantee things will go well. but i feel a great deal better than i have for quite some time about my income and various other personal issues that we all deal with as adults. many of these things most people probably take for granted. i'm sure i did as well. perhaps that is what led to the difficulties that i've experienced prior to my current situation. some have called me pessimistic. i prefer to call myself realistic. i don't know if i'd say i'm pragmatic. i've done some off the wall sheazle in my time, but for the most part i'm just trying to pursue my goals.

i didn't really consider in my late teens early 20's that i would become a member of probably the largest economic class of this society: the poor. [ha!ha!] but seriously, i had no reason to believe i would not go to college, graduate and start a wonderful career making 5+ figures with the phat bennies. didn't happen. how about it's taken me damn near the 2nd half of my life so far just to get my bachelor's? how about i almost didn't even live to see this day? of course that would have been my fault entirely. it's odd to me now that i didn't realize sooner in my life that i suffered from depression. at least to the extent that it was severe enough for me to need professional help and intervention. fortunately my persistence at self-termination did not pay off. how about that? i'm sure everyone experiences frustration in life, but with depression it's like it gets magnified to such an extreme level. combine that with the logical aspects of my thought process and you get a dangerous pattern of thoughts that questions why there should be any effort at all if it does not lead to some positive result at some point.

current up status is hopefully going to be a prolonged state of being. i've had some trying days over the past few months, but more often than not i've been able to work through. as always its a work in progress, but progress is the key word. stagnation = frustration = depression = whoa! gotta stay away from that equation at all costs. seeing as how no one really sees this blog yet, guess it doesn't much matter what i suggest, but i'll do it anyway. if you have any doubts whatsoever about your state of mind, seek professional help. it works. it isn't even about medication. i did it and without medication it really made a difference in my approach to my life's conflicts. i was already pretty good at observing myself, but there were some rather significant aspects of my personal and family life that i was in some denial about. i haven't been in about 2 years now, but i'd go back in a minute. can't work out 30+ years worth of issues out in a matter of weeks or even months. that wouldn't seem to make any sense at all if it even slightly true.

well now that's a 1/4 of a mindful for an entry...

make like a pop fly...

PEACE

skiddley be bop da boobie doo...

ha! ha! Mr. Bush i can't stand you. but anyways, Ineeda got her new stereo/CD player today. hooray! no more commercial radio bullsh*t. i truly cannot stand the repetitive nature of the media. even the stations that i do like play the same tracks almost daily. the new BEN/JACK stations are pretty cool for their variety, but that didn't work for me either. guess i just like what i like. most of the artists and songs i dig get airplay never. no longer must i suffer the fate of the woefully programmed airborne blatheratron known as commercial radio. now i gotta get Ineeda that tune-up. she's making more strange noises. it'd be real dorky of me to have a bangin' stereo in my rizzel and it doesn't even run...

make like MJ & the NBA...

PEACE

Ineeda needs a tune-up

gotta get the vehicle to the mechanics in the am before Ineeda ends up being Iparka. the spot i bought the car from claims to have taken a loss by selling it to me for $900. i somehow doubt the validity of the dealer's claim. this guy claims to have paid $1500 for the vehicle. supposed retail, trade-in and private party values are respectively $4,620, $855 and $2,225(all according to www.kbb.com). now when i check for the same year, make, model at http://www.edmunds.com/ i get $1,530, $2,038 and $2,925 for trade-in, private party and retail values respectively. that retail value is a chunk ain't it? that's a $1500+ difference from one estimate to the other. guess which one the dealer used...

anyways, the car is making some new noises which i do not feel all too comfortable about. i wouldn't be as concerned if i had the cash readily available to get the necessary repairs done. i'm worried that some of Ineeda's issues may become aggravated by my repair "budgeting." hopefully all will be well.

i always aim to keep my vehicle for at least 1 year while i save up to get another. it has yet to work out that way. the last 2 vehicles i had ended up at the junkyard with $50 being in my pocket. [yeah!] the first one wasn't that bad because i didn't pay for the car. my aunt gave me her old car. apparently she had not taken all that good care of it. i believe it had an oil leak of some sort. head gasket went on it and the engine seized up whilst being driven unsuspectingly on the expressway. [yaaay! not!] the 2nd ride i paid $1000 for because i did not know that an oil leak means run far away and do not buy. i was putting a case of oil a week into that one. short story shorter, it ran hot and ended up being picked up by the junkman as i mentioned previously. hopefully Ineeda does not suffer such a horrible fate. i plan on making reasonable repairs as long as Ineeda is running and not running me into a hole. i figure as long as i don't spend more than what the vehicle is supposed to be worth i'll be pleased...

do what the red rectangle over the door says...

PEACE

what the follicle...

let us begin...

yackety smackety, blah, blah, blah...

but seriously, 11 years ago i decided to let my hair lock. it has been an interesting journey. i have experienced various forms of discrimination during the past decade because of my appearance. i've had people stare at me, make highly incorrect assumptions about my personal hygiene, make inappropriate physical contact and assume that i am Jamaican/West Indian. the dorkism is abundant.

i'd say of the worst infractions my former immediate family members would have to be the worst of all. let's call my pops Ted for the sake of protecting his stupidity. now Ted takes it upon his hairless self to tell his older jheri curled and balding cousin "hey, come and look at PoCrizzle."

imagine that. as if i was on display at the zoo. incidents such as this have caused me to question the source of my intellect. perhaps it passed a generation on moms and pops side. that's a whole other post though. back to the locks.

why would anyone think that it is okay to just come up and touch my hair? seems like an obvious no no, but it has happened way too many times over the years. i don't know what you've been doing with your hands and fingers. besides if went around touching things because i thought they looked nice or because i was curious about how they felt, i'd probably be locked up with a swollen face. imagine if i just walked around touching every booty i see because i want to see what it feels like. people do crazy things. and believe me asking doesn't make it any better. again, how would i sound if walked up to some woman and said "your ass is really nice. can i palm it and see what it feels like?"

it ain't happenin'...

make like three strikes...

PEACE

"it's a bright, bright, bright, bright sunshiny day..."

i can see clearly now your moms is gone...

GTA tag is a fun imaginary game with rules i chose not to detail at this juncture of blogness. what to say...

work was good today. not that my current means of revenue generation is particularly bad any day, but i felt good about work today. due to certain stipulations of my employment, i will not get into it in any detail. i'll just establish the fact that i am legitimately employed for a reputable firm. no, i am not a lawyer.

now i remember what i wanted to discuss...

hodges podges...

let's see...

T.O. is an A-Hole. i'm tempted to say his agent is as well, but dude was like this before Rosenhaus. what a dizork. how can you ever consider him a professional when he gets kicked out of training camp? maybe he thought it was summer camp. doh! he reminds me of Madonna before she started having kids. anyone remember when and why she was no longer welcome on Letterman? some people can't live without attention/drama. it's a sad thing...

i gotta get a stereo in my ride. i priced one-on the web of course-and now i need to cop it and have it installed. everything with Ineeda is a monetary mystery. if the current non-factory unit was properly installed then i only have to put out $35 for installation (one place quoted a $75 fee...psssh!). however, if the installer f*#!ed up the wiring, i'll have to pay the customary additional costs. i really shouldn't even be worrying about the audio 'cause i still cannot get in my trunk. that's gonna cost me about $100 plus i have to get the lock reset or carry 2 keys...fun! i'm not even going to get into this gas bullshaza...

'bout to be back in classes. it's great to know i'll be finished soon. if someone had told me out of high school that it would have taken me this long to get my B.A., i would have looked at them like they were stoooooopid! live and learn...

there is someone cutting trees outside at the moment...rather distracting if i do say so...

anyways, it hot as bear's biznalls today. how do i know what temperature bear's biznalls are? lucky guess? how 'bout you prove me wrong if you don't think it's an accurate description. get at me after you check in with your local bear...

make like you've got the mudbutt

PEACE

if you don't know the difference you ought to be shot...

why do people persist in suggesting that violent video games/media influence violent behavior? don't get me wrong. GTA is not for children. none of the versions that i've played are remotely appropriate for anyone who is not an adult. as with most arguments of this type, the people who are or claim to be motivated by such stimuli are predisposed to the exhibited behavior. what scares me is that parents are so out of touch with what their kids are doing or are just that twisted that they allow their children to play games like GTA. i can't front: i play GTA like i'm stupid. i did think about hopping into a cop car on the corner once, but i'm not fond of getting shot to death. i don't let my kids see the game when i'm playing at all. i can usually be found playing with some headphones on my ears and i have the monitor on my PC positioned so that you can't see what's on unless you come into the room. i don't understand why a parent would allow a child to play an obviously adult game. the world is filled with brainless individuals and errant sheep...

find an exit...

PEACE

commercial radio is so boring...

underground hip hop is not dead. it is still where it has always been. this shit that is getting airplay and promotion is getting more and more tired. imagine getting paid to be unoriginal and mimic the latest trend. it is bugged that no one seems to recognize on any wide scale that it is the innovators who create the trends that get followed later. why did the innovator create a trend? because something DIFFERENT was made available. people are so caught up in the same old same old that they close off what's new unless told to listen. i was talking to this cat who listens to hip hop and he didn't even know Brand Nubian had dropped an album recently (last year/summer actually). it's crazy 'cause the album is bangin'. even better, the production was done almost entirely by Lord Jamar (looks like he cut his locks...). then of course you have another dope Masta Ace album that dropped that no one really talks about. these cats put toghether bangin' projects with some real production and get no airplay. i ain't even mad about that. forget airplay. people need to just listen to the music and support the artist. check for them on tour and/or cop the album. radio is not made for music anyway (something of which most people are completely unaware). media is made for advertising. everything else is just filler. the wonders of capitalism...exploit your resources until they are completely depleted...what a great concept...

what? zoooooom!

PEACE