today is the day my mind went away...

not likely...

it would seem to me that my mental issues are at times an impediment to my intellectual abilities. taking 18 years to get an undergrad degree is a great example. i could list some other evidence, but i'll refrain.

the point is i fear my ability to establish my being as a human through the use of my intellect is constantly being diminished by my psychological idiosyncrasies.

i don't relish taking another 20 years or so to get my life together as far as career & living arrangements are concerned. things ain't lookin' so good at the moment. i'm looking at about another 35-40 years as a human. if it continues as it has up 'til now, i'm not too excited about my prospects.

i keep trying to fight what i feel is the bullshit, but i'm either not fighting consistently hard enough, or i'm choosing the wrong shit to fight against. either way, there's some shit somewhere that just ain't quite right. i've considered the fact that i may be being too hard on self, but i don't think that's the case. i don't compare myself to others in relation to what i'd like to achieve as a human. even so, i don't feel i'm meeting my own standards. perhaps i've created some unrealistic expectations...

it's a possibility, but i don't tend to think so.

make like i've got all this shit straight figured the fuck out...

PEACE
...be calm...