boom!
another year of bloggery produced. it will be interesting to see when this madness actually ends. this effort will now enter into its 5th year of written consciousness. how appropriate this month's postings have established a new blogstone for post/month. the calendar year's posts are already way beyond any previous year's production. i guess i'm more committed than in the past to maintaining this ongoing document of human expression.
gotta get up in PS & make a new banner for the title joint. something a little more image oriented seems to be in order. dunno when that's gonna happen. focus, focus, focus...
i am going to pass the fuck out tomorrow when i get home from the gizig.
make like i don't miss being able to go for a walk at will...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
and so another year passes...
so WTF to post about? is it posting? is it talking? is it writing? we'll go w/posting...
so WTF?
tried to get a new bike since the frame on the old 1 is trashed. 1st time i ever knowingly wrecked a bike frame in 1 of my infamous bike wrecks...
the nut ass website fucked up my order & then proceeded to provide a horrible rendition of customer service. i'm pissed 'cause it looked like a great deal. deal or not though i don't like giving my loot to asshole businesses. fuck'em...
make like customer service is not important at all...
PEACE
...be calm...
so WTF?
tried to get a new bike since the frame on the old 1 is trashed. 1st time i ever knowingly wrecked a bike frame in 1 of my infamous bike wrecks...
the nut ass website fucked up my order & then proceeded to provide a horrible rendition of customer service. i'm pissed 'cause it looked like a great deal. deal or not though i don't like giving my loot to asshole businesses. fuck'em...
make like customer service is not important at all...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, July 27, 2009
wash that stankin' ass funk off...
i truly relish the ability to listen to tracks of my own creation while completing the various activities that comprise my life. it is a joyous experience. it can combine so many different pleasurable things into a single experience. although i can no longer walk normally, i can take my media player out w/me & lounge in my mind as i view this world that we so frequently abuse as humans.
it's always been a favorite activity of mine to wash my ass while i'm listening to audio. i suppose i'd watch movies in the shower if i could, but my funds aren't collecting like that. that would be clearly materially excessive, but i am a mediavore. i now listen to music while watching TV (very minimally of course), & DVD's. it's a very rewarding experience to do both. it's hot when 1 of my tracks seems to match the mood/vibe of whatever film happens to be playing. gotta love it.
it is important for me to maintain my path in my careerial endeavors [yes, i just made that shit up. slangulation motherfucker...]. this music shit is not a passing phase for me. trick for me is finding a way to make this work financially, or finding a working path financially that will allow me to continue to compose, mix, & record at my leisure.
tricky, but not impossible...
make like i can just go to a studio & apply for a gig...
PEACE
...be calm...
it's always been a favorite activity of mine to wash my ass while i'm listening to audio. i suppose i'd watch movies in the shower if i could, but my funds aren't collecting like that. that would be clearly materially excessive, but i am a mediavore. i now listen to music while watching TV (very minimally of course), & DVD's. it's a very rewarding experience to do both. it's hot when 1 of my tracks seems to match the mood/vibe of whatever film happens to be playing. gotta love it.
it is important for me to maintain my path in my careerial endeavors [yes, i just made that shit up. slangulation motherfucker...]. this music shit is not a passing phase for me. trick for me is finding a way to make this work financially, or finding a working path financially that will allow me to continue to compose, mix, & record at my leisure.
tricky, but not impossible...
make like i can just go to a studio & apply for a gig...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, July 26, 2009
beating away the darkness...
when shit doesn't go right, as happens frequently w/plans in life, the best thing is to K.I.M. this is within reason. you don't want to be playing at a beach in the water after seeing a shark swimming nearby. K.I.M. in that case would mean get that ass outta the water...
i'm none too pleased w/the NYC trip outcome from Friday. this is why i tend not to plan things w/the wiz in mind: too disruptive. cooperation is the key to the success of this unit. far too often it is not a readily available commodity. the result is quite a bit of cleanup & restructuring activity. takes away from actual doings on a regular basis.
the frequency and/or nature of sabotage can be quite a downer. couple that w/the current aggravated condition of the peds & you've got the approach of a depressive episode. i'm fighting that shit. perhaps i should go find a church somewhere a la dude i went to HS with. Jesus will save my life...
it will never cease to amaze me that people think their religious beliefs actually change what the universe is doing. it only affects what you do in the universe. it shapes your thoughts & actions, not the entire universe. the universe continues no matter what you happen to believe. it doesn't need human beliefs to exist...
fortunately connecting w/advanced consciousness can help alleviate some of the obstacles created by being a finite being. it isn't saving the world, but knowing this shit is fleeting can give great perspective. as i get older i'm finding my thoughts & consciousness can be trusted companions. this is becoming more apparent as my efforts to socialize are not all that well rewarded. my perspective can be too foreign to some...
as w/so many things in life, the key is still K.I.M.
make like foot pain is awesome...
PEACE
...be calm...
i'm none too pleased w/the NYC trip outcome from Friday. this is why i tend not to plan things w/the wiz in mind: too disruptive. cooperation is the key to the success of this unit. far too often it is not a readily available commodity. the result is quite a bit of cleanup & restructuring activity. takes away from actual doings on a regular basis.
the frequency and/or nature of sabotage can be quite a downer. couple that w/the current aggravated condition of the peds & you've got the approach of a depressive episode. i'm fighting that shit. perhaps i should go find a church somewhere a la dude i went to HS with. Jesus will save my life...
it will never cease to amaze me that people think their religious beliefs actually change what the universe is doing. it only affects what you do in the universe. it shapes your thoughts & actions, not the entire universe. the universe continues no matter what you happen to believe. it doesn't need human beliefs to exist...
fortunately connecting w/advanced consciousness can help alleviate some of the obstacles created by being a finite being. it isn't saving the world, but knowing this shit is fleeting can give great perspective. as i get older i'm finding my thoughts & consciousness can be trusted companions. this is becoming more apparent as my efforts to socialize are not all that well rewarded. my perspective can be too foreign to some...
as w/so many things in life, the key is still K.I.M.
make like foot pain is awesome...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, July 25, 2009
my life w/a saboteur...
the wiz is not someone w/whom to make plans. she seems to relish somehow, inadvertently messing up plans. there is almost always the most sincere sense/feeling of remorse coupled w/profuse apologies, but the damage is usually complete & irreversible.
after 10+ years i've come to expect it. i suppose this is a fatalistic approach, but it has happened so repeatedly, it'd be utter stupidity on my part not to acknowledge its existence. relationships are extremely contingent on certain tolerances being established. certain boundaries can be violated mildly. other boundaries must be maintained at all costs. the balance & its maintenance makes or breaks any relationship between 2 humans.
tried to go to the NY for our anniversary. did not happen. the wiz single handedly squashed the whole trip by giving me "time to get ready." imagine. she of it takes 3-4 outfits to get dressed thought he of 1 outfit & done, needed extra time. as a result, she returned to the domicile at an hour that completely negated any & all travel to our proposed destination. sadly, i paid in advance for entry fee. to make the wound sting a little more, i bought train tix 1s before realizing it was too late to catch the train. [oooops!]
it would have been cool overall if i did not have to foot it from Broad St. to the crib. now my peds are the court jesters of pain.
make like not being able to walk normally is the motherfucking bomb...
PEACE
...be calm...
after 10+ years i've come to expect it. i suppose this is a fatalistic approach, but it has happened so repeatedly, it'd be utter stupidity on my part not to acknowledge its existence. relationships are extremely contingent on certain tolerances being established. certain boundaries can be violated mildly. other boundaries must be maintained at all costs. the balance & its maintenance makes or breaks any relationship between 2 humans.
tried to go to the NY for our anniversary. did not happen. the wiz single handedly squashed the whole trip by giving me "time to get ready." imagine. she of it takes 3-4 outfits to get dressed thought he of 1 outfit & done, needed extra time. as a result, she returned to the domicile at an hour that completely negated any & all travel to our proposed destination. sadly, i paid in advance for entry fee. to make the wound sting a little more, i bought train tix 1s before realizing it was too late to catch the train. [oooops!]
it would have been cool overall if i did not have to foot it from Broad St. to the crib. now my peds are the court jesters of pain.
make like not being able to walk normally is the motherfucking bomb...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
feeling the funk...
olfactory senses are quite important to my life experience.
there are certain smells that i associate w/specific life experiences that are vividly recalled any time a particular smell is about.
1 of my favorites is the smell of those tree car air fresheners. typical thinking would likely assume it's because it reminds me of my 1st ride. no. the memory is that of the video store where i was 1st able to rent porn. for some reason, the porn box (a little ass room in a big ass store) was freshly stocked w/1 of those tree car fresheners. so, every time i smell those damn trees, i think porn...
another is the smell of grass & rain during the warmer seasons. these remind me of my summer's at my paternal family's property in the beautiful rural area of VA's Eastern Shore. little Indian named towns all up & down US-13. i used to stay outside until the 'squitos came out & fucked up my skin.
i am also quite fond of musks. i don't remember exactly what age i was, but i remember learning that we all smell different. i became familiar w/the smell of my sperm donor. he used Right Guard in the tall brown can. this is years before leave-no-stain roll-ons & anti-perspirants. i knew his natural smell as well. the egg donor doesn't have a specific smell, unless you count the smell of old pads in the bathroom trash can. [ewwwww!] perhaps because i spent all my time around her instead of him, i didn't feel the need to assign her smell a slot in my funk memory...
make like a pleasant crotch musk is completely unimportant...
PEACE
...be calm...
there are certain smells that i associate w/specific life experiences that are vividly recalled any time a particular smell is about.
1 of my favorites is the smell of those tree car air fresheners. typical thinking would likely assume it's because it reminds me of my 1st ride. no. the memory is that of the video store where i was 1st able to rent porn. for some reason, the porn box (a little ass room in a big ass store) was freshly stocked w/1 of those tree car fresheners. so, every time i smell those damn trees, i think porn...
another is the smell of grass & rain during the warmer seasons. these remind me of my summer's at my paternal family's property in the beautiful rural area of VA's Eastern Shore. little Indian named towns all up & down US-13. i used to stay outside until the 'squitos came out & fucked up my skin.
i am also quite fond of musks. i don't remember exactly what age i was, but i remember learning that we all smell different. i became familiar w/the smell of my sperm donor. he used Right Guard in the tall brown can. this is years before leave-no-stain roll-ons & anti-perspirants. i knew his natural smell as well. the egg donor doesn't have a specific smell, unless you count the smell of old pads in the bathroom trash can. [ewwwww!] perhaps because i spent all my time around her instead of him, i didn't feel the need to assign her smell a slot in my funk memory...
make like a pleasant crotch musk is completely unimportant...
PEACE
...be calm...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
SIZE DOES MATTER...
IN RECOGNITION OF THE NEW MONITOR, THIS POST LOOKS LIKE THIS...
THIS MONITOR IS FUCKING HUGE. IT DOESN'T PASS THE 2 BROWSER WINDOW TEST, BUT IT'S SURE AS HELL BEATS THE DUAL 17" CRT SETUP.
WOULDN'T MIND 2 OF THESE JOINTS IN THE LAB, BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON IF EVER.
I'M HUNGRY AS SHIT AS I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE YESTERDAY AROUND 12P. ON THAT NOTE...
MAKE LIKE THIS MONITOR IS NOT BIG AS ALL FUCKADORE...
PEACE
...be calm...
THIS MONITOR IS FUCKING HUGE. IT DOESN'T PASS THE 2 BROWSER WINDOW TEST, BUT IT'S SURE AS HELL BEATS THE DUAL 17" CRT SETUP.
WOULDN'T MIND 2 OF THESE JOINTS IN THE LAB, BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON IF EVER.
I'M HUNGRY AS SHIT AS I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE YESTERDAY AROUND 12P. ON THAT NOTE...
MAKE LIKE THIS MONITOR IS NOT BIG AS ALL FUCKADORE...
PEACE
...be calm...
let the mayhem cease...
the plan for this vacation is to straighten out my work areas in the hidouse. the lab & piano areas are organizational shit storms. yesterday i was thoroughly challenged by the wizenife & my therapist (you're goddamn right i have one). they don't think i can bang it out in a 24hr period...
dey don know me vewy well do dey...[cheese!]
so, today i will attack w/vigor the area commonly known as piano corner. this & the lab/office are 1st priority. creative logic & functional logic require that these 2 areas, if no others, have to be organized & clear. how can i study, compose, create, & feel w/o having my shit where it needs to be for full functionality? i can, 'cause i do it now, but nowhere nearly as effectively as i will when the shit gets organized.
i'm looking forward to bangin' this shit out like an evening of stroke olympics w/a thickimite...
make like i did not associate cleaning up w/a sexual reference...
PEACE
...be calm...
dey don know me vewy well do dey...[cheese!]
so, today i will attack w/vigor the area commonly known as piano corner. this & the lab/office are 1st priority. creative logic & functional logic require that these 2 areas, if no others, have to be organized & clear. how can i study, compose, create, & feel w/o having my shit where it needs to be for full functionality? i can, 'cause i do it now, but nowhere nearly as effectively as i will when the shit gets organized.
i'm looking forward to bangin' this shit out like an evening of stroke olympics w/a thickimite...
make like i did not associate cleaning up w/a sexual reference...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, July 20, 2009
culturally deprived...
being an African in the U.S. can be frustrating from a nationality/cultural perspective...
i'm not big on Black History Month anymore, 'cause i'm an all year around type of cat. but this isn't about that type of frustration. that is institutional frustration. the type that has been established & perpetuated by the standards of Western society. i'm looking more at the frustration of ambiguity caused by disassociation.
most European, Asian, & Latino citizens can associate some nationality w/their cultural heritage. whether or not they are patriotic to the U.S., they usually have some other nation to relate to culturally. Africans who are generationally embedded in the U.S. do not have this cultural identity. thanks to European enslavement, these cultural associations are completely non-existent in most cases. it's nothing to kill anyone over, but it can be highly frustrating.
i don't know if i'm Sudanese, Nigerian, Ghanaian, etc. the genetics are so muddled at this point that i probably cannot even determine such cultural association through physical characteristics either. there are genetic materials tests that will tell you what region of the world your family is likely from, but my understanding is that even these are general. besides, the real fucked up aspect is that at this point i'd be trying to play hundreds of years of catch up.
sometimes it appears other Ethnic groups do not appreciate the significance of this cultural ambiguity. when one disassociates by choice from their inherited culture that's 1 thing. not having an inherited culture at all is a whole other thing. it's not a choice you generally want to have forcibly removed.
make like cultural ambiguity is hot like that...
PEACE
...be calm...
i'm not big on Black History Month anymore, 'cause i'm an all year around type of cat. but this isn't about that type of frustration. that is institutional frustration. the type that has been established & perpetuated by the standards of Western society. i'm looking more at the frustration of ambiguity caused by disassociation.
most European, Asian, & Latino citizens can associate some nationality w/their cultural heritage. whether or not they are patriotic to the U.S., they usually have some other nation to relate to culturally. Africans who are generationally embedded in the U.S. do not have this cultural identity. thanks to European enslavement, these cultural associations are completely non-existent in most cases. it's nothing to kill anyone over, but it can be highly frustrating.
i don't know if i'm Sudanese, Nigerian, Ghanaian, etc. the genetics are so muddled at this point that i probably cannot even determine such cultural association through physical characteristics either. there are genetic materials tests that will tell you what region of the world your family is likely from, but my understanding is that even these are general. besides, the real fucked up aspect is that at this point i'd be trying to play hundreds of years of catch up.
sometimes it appears other Ethnic groups do not appreciate the significance of this cultural ambiguity. when one disassociates by choice from their inherited culture that's 1 thing. not having an inherited culture at all is a whole other thing. it's not a choice you generally want to have forcibly removed.
make like cultural ambiguity is hot like that...
PEACE
...be calm...
i love it when i'm feeling myself...
made a couple of interesting tracks today.
it's great to be able to listen to brand new music on a daily basis. it's even better when it's something that i put together in the lab. not to be on my own dick, but it is quite a rush.
i've been fucking w/music my whole life. i've pursued the creation of music since i was a little kid. high school found me fuckin' w/hip-hop & college w/house. there aren't too many forms of music that i will not listen to. i'd love to be able to compose in any genre i desire to.
i have to be far more vigilant about teaching myself theory. to be doing what i currently do w/o the theory makes learning the theory that much more exciting.
make like i wouldn't love bangin' out tracks at 2/day instead of 2/week...
PEACE
...be calm...
it's great to be able to listen to brand new music on a daily basis. it's even better when it's something that i put together in the lab. not to be on my own dick, but it is quite a rush.
i've been fucking w/music my whole life. i've pursued the creation of music since i was a little kid. high school found me fuckin' w/hip-hop & college w/house. there aren't too many forms of music that i will not listen to. i'd love to be able to compose in any genre i desire to.
i have to be far more vigilant about teaching myself theory. to be doing what i currently do w/o the theory makes learning the theory that much more exciting.
make like i wouldn't love bangin' out tracks at 2/day instead of 2/week...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, July 19, 2009
not single, singular, solo, soloist...
i try to reach out to peeps & socialize. for whatever reason, i don't seem to find the right people to associate with myself. sometimes it seems like everybody hangs out but me. i can't front though, sometimes cats invite me to places and i either don't go or end up not going.
how are those 2 things any different? one's a decision & the other is a circumstance or gathering there of. either way, i'm working on trying to be more sociable.
good to be on vacation. it feels great to know i don't have to deal w/the talky for at least a week...
make like i didn't make a new track today w/o ever going to sleep after work...
PEACE
...be calm...
how are those 2 things any different? one's a decision & the other is a circumstance or gathering there of. either way, i'm working on trying to be more sociable.
good to be on vacation. it feels great to know i don't have to deal w/the talky for at least a week...
make like i didn't make a new track today w/o ever going to sleep after work...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
wooo! hooo!
vacation time mudda fugga!
on a more serious note, the last 24hrs' reflections brought to mind yet another disturbing reality of human nature & organized society.
humans are willing to commit great acts of violence over perceived and/or imaginary slights/insults. in fact, many of the conflicts that humans find themselves involved with are the result of defending some commonly accepted imaginary boundry. said boundry can be physical, geographical, and most often psychological. can't say i've never been guilty of such behavior, but it's sad.
we tend to consider ourselves so highly advanced in comparison to other creatures, yet we still exhibit numerous primitive behaviors that are detrimental to our survival collectively & individually.
make like humans aren't the most destructive species on the entire planet...
PEACE
...be calm...
on a more serious note, the last 24hrs' reflections brought to mind yet another disturbing reality of human nature & organized society.
humans are willing to commit great acts of violence over perceived and/or imaginary slights/insults. in fact, many of the conflicts that humans find themselves involved with are the result of defending some commonly accepted imaginary boundry. said boundry can be physical, geographical, and most often psychological. can't say i've never been guilty of such behavior, but it's sad.
we tend to consider ourselves so highly advanced in comparison to other creatures, yet we still exhibit numerous primitive behaviors that are detrimental to our survival collectively & individually.
make like humans aren't the most destructive species on the entire planet...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 17, 2009
so be dat...
sometimes i wonder who the fuck i am. at this age you would think i'd know that answer w/o question. perhaps this explains some of my persistent difficulty w/getting my shit to go where i'd like it to be in life...
i know 1 thing w/o question. i have a certain resilience/persistence that has kept me from being completely devoured by my questionable psychological states. it seems to be quite a bit easier to move around when there are people who support your endeavors, but fuck it, i have to work w/what i have available.
can't just fold up & quit.
i find it disturbing sometimes that i do not have more of an influence on the godren's everyday doings. i feel like the wife teaches them things that will cause them problems as humans in this society. it can be difficult. she'll say she understands, but she keeps doing the same shit. the godren pick up on it as functional behavior. i've gotten to the point now where i'm often like "fuck it." i don't want to give up on'em though. it's definitely challenging...
not quitting is the best way to teach them not to just quit when shit gets shitty. definitely 1 of life's most important lessons. quitting is easy as hell. the great accomplishments of life don't usually come from quitting.
word to the syllable pronoun...
make like you know what the fuck that means...
PEACE
...be calm...
i know 1 thing w/o question. i have a certain resilience/persistence that has kept me from being completely devoured by my questionable psychological states. it seems to be quite a bit easier to move around when there are people who support your endeavors, but fuck it, i have to work w/what i have available.
can't just fold up & quit.
i find it disturbing sometimes that i do not have more of an influence on the godren's everyday doings. i feel like the wife teaches them things that will cause them problems as humans in this society. it can be difficult. she'll say she understands, but she keeps doing the same shit. the godren pick up on it as functional behavior. i've gotten to the point now where i'm often like "fuck it." i don't want to give up on'em though. it's definitely challenging...
not quitting is the best way to teach them not to just quit when shit gets shitty. definitely 1 of life's most important lessons. quitting is easy as hell. the great accomplishments of life don't usually come from quitting.
word to the syllable pronoun...
make like you know what the fuck that means...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
is there hope yet...
looks like i may actually get a friggin' vacation this year.
this would be quite awesome considering. granted, i'm not going to be going anywhere, but at least i can not go in to work for an entire week & still collect my ducats...
yesh!
this year's vacation motto is "please, please, no damn fleas..."
i'm going to be doing a lot of organizing, cleaning, shredding, recycling, & most importantly, relax/sleeping. hope i don't irritate the fam too much. they act like they don't want me around the crib sometimes because i remind everybody about keeping the crib some kinda neat. i hate when they try to make me out to be the bad guy. mostly i just try to promote the value of organization & focused energy in defeating life's obstacles. hopefully they'll realize that 1 day...
make like i'm not going to be bangin' out some new tracks next week...
PEACE
...be calm...
this would be quite awesome considering. granted, i'm not going to be going anywhere, but at least i can not go in to work for an entire week & still collect my ducats...
yesh!
this year's vacation motto is "please, please, no damn fleas..."
i'm going to be doing a lot of organizing, cleaning, shredding, recycling, & most importantly, relax/sleeping. hope i don't irritate the fam too much. they act like they don't want me around the crib sometimes because i remind everybody about keeping the crib some kinda neat. i hate when they try to make me out to be the bad guy. mostly i just try to promote the value of organization & focused energy in defeating life's obstacles. hopefully they'll realize that 1 day...
make like i'm not going to be bangin' out some new tracks next week...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, July 13, 2009
hey man, you fuckin' up...
ummm...
i overloaded the fonts on the main PC in the office. oops! tried to use oto op & the damn thing took forever to load. went to edit/create something & the lag was horrendous.
good thing i know how to fix my own shit. oogled the hell out of overloading the fonts & found out that's exactly what i'd done wrong.
insult to injury, i tried to remove them all at once & fucked up the whole system for a few seconds. kinda hard for the OS to display text w/no available fonts...
[cheese!]
on a more hot note, the beat progression is coming along. vacation's coming up & it looks like the mixer is finally going to be making a home in the stizudio.
[yaaay!]
make like Cap'n Talky-talk didn't sleep damn near all of what was left of his shift when he came in...
PEACE
...be calm...
i overloaded the fonts on the main PC in the office. oops! tried to use oto op & the damn thing took forever to load. went to edit/create something & the lag was horrendous.
good thing i know how to fix my own shit. oogled the hell out of overloading the fonts & found out that's exactly what i'd done wrong.
insult to injury, i tried to remove them all at once & fucked up the whole system for a few seconds. kinda hard for the OS to display text w/no available fonts...
[cheese!]
on a more hot note, the beat progression is coming along. vacation's coming up & it looks like the mixer is finally going to be making a home in the stizudio.
[yaaay!]
make like Cap'n Talky-talk didn't sleep damn near all of what was left of his shift when he came in...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
a questioned reality's conclusions...
if you're not doing what you really want to be doing in life, what do you change w/o losing your identity as an individual?
this question is sponsored by my life condition as compared to my desired life condition, tempered w/a heavy dose of reality on the side.
can't say my life is all fucked up & shitty, but it ain't quite a rose bed either. the main thing w/me is to keep moving in a forward direction. stagnating helps nothing. i know i'm not the only 1 w/dysfunctions, but mine seem to have their way w/my life plans too frequently for my liking.
what to change to stop the negatively recurring events? some things unknown, some things known but difficult to change. the game of life is easily lost & difficult to play, but can be won. what does winning mean in this game?
no one can answer that question but the individual asking. what is worth the loss of life? what is gained by sacrifice? what is sacrifice? WTF am i going on about?
feeling kinda down. my unit is not well put together. it is not the most supportive at all. i tend to attribute that to the fact that i have never really known what support is. how could i possibly endeavor to surround myself w/a supportive unit when i'm generally unfamiliar w/the concept, let alone the experience?
the challenge is to keep working towards the goals regardless of the support levels within the unit...
make like it is easy for me to be who i be...
PEACE
...be calm...
this question is sponsored by my life condition as compared to my desired life condition, tempered w/a heavy dose of reality on the side.
can't say my life is all fucked up & shitty, but it ain't quite a rose bed either. the main thing w/me is to keep moving in a forward direction. stagnating helps nothing. i know i'm not the only 1 w/dysfunctions, but mine seem to have their way w/my life plans too frequently for my liking.
what to change to stop the negatively recurring events? some things unknown, some things known but difficult to change. the game of life is easily lost & difficult to play, but can be won. what does winning mean in this game?
no one can answer that question but the individual asking. what is worth the loss of life? what is gained by sacrifice? what is sacrifice? WTF am i going on about?
feeling kinda down. my unit is not well put together. it is not the most supportive at all. i tend to attribute that to the fact that i have never really known what support is. how could i possibly endeavor to surround myself w/a supportive unit when i'm generally unfamiliar w/the concept, let alone the experience?
the challenge is to keep working towards the goals regardless of the support levels within the unit...
make like it is easy for me to be who i be...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, July 11, 2009
why i do these things...
...because i am...
saw George Lopez on some interview show today. i think my human interaction skills are such that i would get great interviews w/cats. problem is no one talks to the no ones. have to establish self as someone to be talked to in such a capacity. been working on it for a while now, but i guess not hard enough.
people don't just say "yeah, i'll let you interview me..."
listening to 1 of the newer tracks i made. it's kinda on the mellow tip. oddly, i was aiming for something significantly more hype in the original design. i don't study nearly enough music theory as i should. i'm still earing the fuck out of everything. gotta get this shit down so i can compose w/my ear & my mind...
i expect that'll be real fly...
some shit is just nice to listen at. i find this particular track quite relaxing. wouldn't quite call it 1 of the beautiful 1's, but it does sound pleasant to my ear...
make like i ate any food all day today...
PEACE
...be calm...
saw George Lopez on some interview show today. i think my human interaction skills are such that i would get great interviews w/cats. problem is no one talks to the no ones. have to establish self as someone to be talked to in such a capacity. been working on it for a while now, but i guess not hard enough.
people don't just say "yeah, i'll let you interview me..."
listening to 1 of the newer tracks i made. it's kinda on the mellow tip. oddly, i was aiming for something significantly more hype in the original design. i don't study nearly enough music theory as i should. i'm still earing the fuck out of everything. gotta get this shit down so i can compose w/my ear & my mind...
i expect that'll be real fly...
some shit is just nice to listen at. i find this particular track quite relaxing. wouldn't quite call it 1 of the beautiful 1's, but it does sound pleasant to my ear...
make like i ate any food all day today...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 10, 2009
aired o-u-t...
goddamnit. i'm pissed off about Steve McNair. dude fucked up. let's just say that i'm an expert on crazy chicks.
this chick looked crazy! WTF Steve?
i guess dude was having a midlife or something. how do fuck your shit up to the point where a side jawn offs you in your booty call crib?
dunno if he lied to her about the whole divorce thing, but if he did, damn...
if you've got to lie to get some pussy, you ought not be taggin' the booty you're trying to tag. it just isn't worth the drama that comes later. obviously this is an extreme case, but again, WTF Steve?
i feel sorry for his sons. who knows what kind of psychological/emotional issues they're going to develop from this bullshit.
the voices of choices speak forever, whether you choose to listen to them or not...
make like this chick did not go out like a stone cold nut...
PEACE
...be calm...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
i like Mike's music, but com'on...
okay, enough already.
the only good thing about the Mike overkill currently infecting the media is that an artist i like has finally become larger than life. Mike is now like friggin' Elvis. i've already heard peeps comparing his legacy to Elvis'.
here's an idea, combine the 2 cribs & call it NeverGrace!
does anyone else really believe those kids are in any way, shape, or form the genetic offspring of Mike?
i still don't think Mike's dead...
make like i've been wearing out my Mike audio...
PEACE
...be calm...
the only good thing about the Mike overkill currently infecting the media is that an artist i like has finally become larger than life. Mike is now like friggin' Elvis. i've already heard peeps comparing his legacy to Elvis'.
here's an idea, combine the 2 cribs & call it NeverGrace!
does anyone else really believe those kids are in any way, shape, or form the genetic offspring of Mike?
i still don't think Mike's dead...
make like i've been wearing out my Mike audio...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, July 05, 2009
here's a timeless question...
why do Africans in the U.S. celebrate 7/4 just like Europeans?i've never understood that about the African community in the U.S. technically independence for Africans did not occur until a century or 2 later. the sad part is that many of the wars fought by this country would not have been as successful if not for the involvement of African troops. this is most ironically true of the Civil War. there would be an extra country in North America had it not been for African troops saving the U.S. military effort against the C.S. military.
for all the talk about Lincoln, the Emancipation Proclamation would have been completely useless if the C.S. had not lost the war. imagine the U.S. telling British citizens that they no longer had to follow the laws of their recognized governing body. even better, how about a law gets passed in the U.S. that applies to the citizens of China. doesn't make any sense at all.
history is amazing if you actually pay attention to it. learning not to repeat mistakes is an awesome thing to do. too bad most people find history unimportant. it isn't the dates, it's the lessons...
make like people don't just follow along blindly w/o thinking or asking questions...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, July 04, 2009
i hate monsters...
my love of beauty causes me great discomfort when i'm out in public...
i decided to hang out around the gig today 'cause going to the crib would have prevented me from getting any sleep. the dude across the street doesn't EQ his PA system very well & it kicks out too much on the highs. whenever there is a block party, i have to listen to this horribleness. it isn't even that i don't dig most of the music selection, it's the EQ and the discomfort experienced by my ears...
what does that have to do w/monsters? not a goddamned thing...
it does explain why i had to see 2 beasts at the mizall while waiting to go back to the gizig after putting some food in my fizace. ewww...
the 1 chick was nasty swellulitten w/a back'too. i'm talking nasty stretch marks & everything. yeech! i don't have a problem w/stretch marks. they happen. i've seen perfectly attractive females w/stretch marks. i suppose it all depends on where & how they appear. these particular marks were not of the passable type.
monster #2 had a busted grill while wearing a tight ass stretch dress that she apparently did not realize was too freakin' small for her. how can you tell when stretch clothing is too small? when it rides up and doesn't feel like making the trip back down to cover the rear crotch of your panties...
now that's nasty as fuck. she came outside like this. WTF! the worst part was they posted up at the bus stop right in front of me. bleech! thankfully, the bus came just after they came & sat down in the waiting area. yaaaay!
got me the fuck outta there...
make like i didn't feel sorry for the dude hanging out w/these 2 mud ducks...
PEACE
...be calm...
i decided to hang out around the gig today 'cause going to the crib would have prevented me from getting any sleep. the dude across the street doesn't EQ his PA system very well & it kicks out too much on the highs. whenever there is a block party, i have to listen to this horribleness. it isn't even that i don't dig most of the music selection, it's the EQ and the discomfort experienced by my ears...
what does that have to do w/monsters? not a goddamned thing...
it does explain why i had to see 2 beasts at the mizall while waiting to go back to the gizig after putting some food in my fizace. ewww...
the 1 chick was nasty swellulitten w/a back'too. i'm talking nasty stretch marks & everything. yeech! i don't have a problem w/stretch marks. they happen. i've seen perfectly attractive females w/stretch marks. i suppose it all depends on where & how they appear. these particular marks were not of the passable type.
monster #2 had a busted grill while wearing a tight ass stretch dress that she apparently did not realize was too freakin' small for her. how can you tell when stretch clothing is too small? when it rides up and doesn't feel like making the trip back down to cover the rear crotch of your panties...
now that's nasty as fuck. she came outside like this. WTF! the worst part was they posted up at the bus stop right in front of me. bleech! thankfully, the bus came just after they came & sat down in the waiting area. yaaaay!
got me the fuck outta there...
make like i didn't feel sorry for the dude hanging out w/these 2 mud ducks...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, July 03, 2009
weirdo ass bitch!
why was this ugly cancer stick suckin' broad following me around the bus stop yesterday?
i don't know what it is, but i draw the hell out of crazy people. perhaps it's the fact that i'm just that imbalanced my damn self. either way, this nut sparks up & decides to follow me around when i got up to move away from the friggin' smoke.
i hate cigarette smoke. that's a nasty burnt chemical ass smell. worst of all she had a little kid w/her. that shit really pisses me off 'cause of the health problems my egg donor caused w/her shitty nicotine addiction.
i should've tried to run across the street so she could follow & get hit by traffic. what a dumbass. fucking freak...
she wasn't even cute. completely bodiless. yuck. sheesh.
make like this nutjob didn't get on the same bus i take to the gizig...
PEACE
...be calm...
i don't know what it is, but i draw the hell out of crazy people. perhaps it's the fact that i'm just that imbalanced my damn self. either way, this nut sparks up & decides to follow me around when i got up to move away from the friggin' smoke.
i hate cigarette smoke. that's a nasty burnt chemical ass smell. worst of all she had a little kid w/her. that shit really pisses me off 'cause of the health problems my egg donor caused w/her shitty nicotine addiction.
i should've tried to run across the street so she could follow & get hit by traffic. what a dumbass. fucking freak...
she wasn't even cute. completely bodiless. yuck. sheesh.
make like this nutjob didn't get on the same bus i take to the gizig...
PEACE
...be calm...
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