1 of the issues w/AVD is supposed to be an inherent difficulty w/maintaining socially acceptable boundries.
in my & apparently many other human's case(s) this manifests itself most prominently as effusive communication.
in some ways this can be viewed as a detriment. too much of anything is usually not very pleasant.
what i am working on at this stage of finite being development is turning this natural way of self into a tool, & using it as a gift to communicate universal messages whenever they are clear enough to be presented in an effective fashion.
the irony of this particular perspective is that many humans today take very little if any time to truly listen to what is being communicated to them.
the reality of digital society is becoming brief bursts of contextually dense info. the average human is being socially trained to not find much of a need to wait, listen, or pay attention for extended periods of time.
who does this training benefit?
make like i fuck w/conspiracy theories...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
religious cliches...
being raised as a Christian created a great deal of spiritual conflict w/what was apparently my early universal awareness.
this conflict always lead to my questioning of the hypocrisy that is organized religion. of all the religions that i have become aware of thus far, Christianity always seems to be particularly off in comparison to the actualities of universal being.
it would likely seem that the text(s) associated w/Christian teaching/philosophy should be disregarded on the basis of all the contradictions involved. it is my assertion that this would be a mistake.
what is contained in religious texts, including Christian's, is the work of humans. in many cases it is work that was intended to motivate/uplift humans. the finite nature of humans is a fact of universal being. a conscious human will see this quite clearly. the evidence isn't hard to find. a proactive conscious human is going to work to overcome this finitude at any & all costs.
what does all this mean in terms of religious texts/philosophy?
for whatever reason(s) the meat of religious teachings in Western society find the use of fear necessary for the promotion of spiritual awareness. there is an inherent problem in this approach. fear is a tactic that fosters restrictive thinking. universal consciousness is not readily accessible through restrictive thinking processes.
it is difficult enough to develop a comprehension of the infinite nature of the universe as a finite being. how could it ever be possible to approach such comprehension through the use of restrictive thinking practices? this is conceptually absurd.
this is what has been going on w/human spiritual thought for 1000's of years now in Western influenced society.
getting back to religious texts & the clichés/lessons they contain, the awareness of the true nature of god & the relationship of finite beings to the infinite universe brings a whole different perspective to many of them.
this brings to mind another cliché:
the responsibility of god consciousness is heavy. perhaps this is why it was deemed necessary & continues to be hidden from the average human.
make like god is not...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
this conflict always lead to my questioning of the hypocrisy that is organized religion. of all the religions that i have become aware of thus far, Christianity always seems to be particularly off in comparison to the actualities of universal being.
it would likely seem that the text(s) associated w/Christian teaching/philosophy should be disregarded on the basis of all the contradictions involved. it is my assertion that this would be a mistake.
what is contained in religious texts, including Christian's, is the work of humans. in many cases it is work that was intended to motivate/uplift humans. the finite nature of humans is a fact of universal being. a conscious human will see this quite clearly. the evidence isn't hard to find. a proactive conscious human is going to work to overcome this finitude at any & all costs.
what does all this mean in terms of religious texts/philosophy?
for whatever reason(s) the meat of religious teachings in Western society find the use of fear necessary for the promotion of spiritual awareness. there is an inherent problem in this approach. fear is a tactic that fosters restrictive thinking. universal consciousness is not readily accessible through restrictive thinking processes.
it is difficult enough to develop a comprehension of the infinite nature of the universe as a finite being. how could it ever be possible to approach such comprehension through the use of restrictive thinking practices? this is conceptually absurd.
this is what has been going on w/human spiritual thought for 1000's of years now in Western influenced society.
getting back to religious texts & the clichés/lessons they contain, the awareness of the true nature of god & the relationship of finite beings to the infinite universe brings a whole different perspective to many of them.
- god helps those who help themselves
- fear none but god
- the lord works in mysterious ways
- god help me
- god bless you
this brings to mind another cliché:
the responsibility of god consciousness is heavy. perhaps this is why it was deemed necessary & continues to be hidden from the average human.
make like god is not...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
the past tries to kick my ass...
i see my frustrations a bit better now.
my inability to recognize what frustrated me & how important it is to monitor my frustration levels appears to be at the root of many poor decisions in the past.
i'm paying more attention to the difference between how i perceive certain things & how they might be somewhat different in the perspective of other humans.
i'm also trying to be more aware of my over talkativeness. this is a difficult 1. i get excited by the opportunity to interact w/other humans on a socio-intellectual basis. that excitement often results in over-stimulation to the point where i over-talk & ruin the opportunity for future interactions.
as w/many of the other life issues w/which i deal, this is a catch-22. i need to practice shutting the fuck up when i talk to others, but i have to talk to others to practice shutting the fuck up!
i have a lot of work to do, but at least i can see more clearly what work needs to be done & how to work on it more effectively.
having god consciousness is that much more meaningful when dealing w/these finite issues...
make like i have support...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
my inability to recognize what frustrated me & how important it is to monitor my frustration levels appears to be at the root of many poor decisions in the past.
i'm paying more attention to the difference between how i perceive certain things & how they might be somewhat different in the perspective of other humans.
i'm also trying to be more aware of my over talkativeness. this is a difficult 1. i get excited by the opportunity to interact w/other humans on a socio-intellectual basis. that excitement often results in over-stimulation to the point where i over-talk & ruin the opportunity for future interactions.
as w/many of the other life issues w/which i deal, this is a catch-22. i need to practice shutting the fuck up when i talk to others, but i have to talk to others to practice shutting the fuck up!
i have a lot of work to do, but at least i can see more clearly what work needs to be done & how to work on it more effectively.
having god consciousness is that much more meaningful when dealing w/these finite issues...
make like i have support...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Sunday, June 05, 2011
gimmie that motherfuckin' loot!
this society requires the presence of income. massive amounts are not absolutely necessary, but the more fluid the income, the better.
the alternative is to remove self from society & refrain from participating in many of the modern aspects of human existence.
NOTHING IS FREE!
enjoying the universe is free, but where do you go to do such a thing & how do you get there w/no $$$?
i derive great pleasure from the movement of the planet, the changes of the weather, the activities of the other animals, etc.
this life that the average human is subjected to today, especially w/mobile digital technology, does much to obscure many of these universal/natural joys from view.
when you have to pay bills, it is difficult to stop & smell anything that even remotely relates to roses...
while i enjoy technology & find it immensely fascinating, the distance that seems to be growing between our finite dealings & our infinite nature will always be disturbing.
there is no amount of $$$ that can compensate for a loss of universal connection...
make like i like to be broke...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
the alternative is to remove self from society & refrain from participating in many of the modern aspects of human existence.
NOTHING IS FREE!
enjoying the universe is free, but where do you go to do such a thing & how do you get there w/no $$$?
i derive great pleasure from the movement of the planet, the changes of the weather, the activities of the other animals, etc.
this life that the average human is subjected to today, especially w/mobile digital technology, does much to obscure many of these universal/natural joys from view.
when you have to pay bills, it is difficult to stop & smell anything that even remotely relates to roses...
while i enjoy technology & find it immensely fascinating, the distance that seems to be growing between our finite dealings & our infinite nature will always be disturbing.
there is no amount of $$$ that can compensate for a loss of universal connection...
make like i like to be broke...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
tempering the goodness...
i have a tendency to overreact to certain stimuli (+/-). apparently this is yet another AVD related issue. i'm becoming more & more observant of my various behaviors, how they affect my daily functioning, & most importantly how they affect my interminglings w/the other bodies of the universe.
i always questioned the idea of being + as some kind of fluke. i believe i was unable to appreciate the idea of truly approaching finite dealings w/the state of mind that something could be worked out. it makes a difference if you look at a situation in such a way as to not be able to develop viable solutions.
it is not viable to delude self, but to limit self based on conjecture is a highly detrimental behavior pattern to establish. calculated risk is necessary to create progress as a finite being. the companion of this need is failure.
i have not properly embraced the failures that i've experienced. all experiences are lessons, & i didn't facilitate learning mine by responding to failure the way i have in the past. to stop trying is to welcome dying.
i have tried dying, & it is not something i would consider viable when properly dealing w/the frustration of failure. mismanagement of frustration has been figuratively & almost literally killing me.
at this point it all comes down to management of finite circumstances in ways that recognize my low frustration threshold & allow for proper absorption of lessons from failure. this approach applied w/consistency is far more likely to allow goals to be acheived than any - alternative(s)...
make like i really needed to post this...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
i always questioned the idea of being + as some kind of fluke. i believe i was unable to appreciate the idea of truly approaching finite dealings w/the state of mind that something could be worked out. it makes a difference if you look at a situation in such a way as to not be able to develop viable solutions.
it is not viable to delude self, but to limit self based on conjecture is a highly detrimental behavior pattern to establish. calculated risk is necessary to create progress as a finite being. the companion of this need is failure.
i have not properly embraced the failures that i've experienced. all experiences are lessons, & i didn't facilitate learning mine by responding to failure the way i have in the past. to stop trying is to welcome dying.
i have tried dying, & it is not something i would consider viable when properly dealing w/the frustration of failure. mismanagement of frustration has been figuratively & almost literally killing me.
at this point it all comes down to management of finite circumstances in ways that recognize my low frustration threshold & allow for proper absorption of lessons from failure. this approach applied w/consistency is far more likely to allow goals to be acheived than any - alternative(s)...
make like i really needed to post this...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
messages from the land of WTF...
thus far in life i have made frequent efforts to help others.
i recently realized that in many instances i have attempted this help when i did not apparently have the proper resources to do so.
the end result has not made for a better world for all.
i refuse to become a bitter human who no longer attempts to help anyone because the people i've attempted to help seem to show no regard for me. what i am resolved to do is correct the errors in judgement & social movement that have caused me to put self around people who do/can not reciprocate.
i have to get my shit right. as i've said previously, having god consciousness is not at all equivalent w/having finite existence all figured out. the reality is that this universal comprehension facilitates the awareness of the finite/infinite gap. awareness of the gap promotes awareness of issues. issues that are unknown/seen tend not to be addressed. the opportunity to work on self is neverending.
the physical shell is an envelope addressed to the universe. the more we achieve consciousness, the more likely we will be correctly delivered...
make like the check is in the mail...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
i recently realized that in many instances i have attempted this help when i did not apparently have the proper resources to do so.
the end result has not made for a better world for all.
i refuse to become a bitter human who no longer attempts to help anyone because the people i've attempted to help seem to show no regard for me. what i am resolved to do is correct the errors in judgement & social movement that have caused me to put self around people who do/can not reciprocate.
i have to get my shit right. as i've said previously, having god consciousness is not at all equivalent w/having finite existence all figured out. the reality is that this universal comprehension facilitates the awareness of the finite/infinite gap. awareness of the gap promotes awareness of issues. issues that are unknown/seen tend not to be addressed. the opportunity to work on self is neverending.
the physical shell is an envelope addressed to the universe. the more we achieve consciousness, the more likely we will be correctly delivered...
make like the check is in the mail...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
be careful what you look for...
...anything might find you!
as a young human i distinctly recall being told that looking for a relationship can be quite counterproductive.
i can readily vouch for the truth of such a statement. it's possible i would not be dealing w/current relationship issues had i properly applied this wisdom.
the act of looking for such a thing is often an indication of a need to fill or hide some emptiness within. this essentially manifests socially as an invitation to predators & various episodes of personal misery.
a person who is seeking is far more willing to lower their standards. being tolerant is 1 thing. allowing others to fill your void w/their bullshit is entirely different. there seem to be any number of humans roaming about the planet that will gladly place their bullshit anywhere they can. if having an inner void is unpleasant, how pleasant can it be to have that very same void filled full of bullshit?
exactly...
it is far better to have the void & embrace it than it is to fill it w/bullshit. embracing a void honestly is far more likely to create situations where healthy solutions can be forumulated. sometimes it's just a matter of allowing self to grow & mature.
maturity = closing the gap...
make like it's lovely to live w/a sabetour...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
as a young human i distinctly recall being told that looking for a relationship can be quite counterproductive.
i can readily vouch for the truth of such a statement. it's possible i would not be dealing w/current relationship issues had i properly applied this wisdom.
the act of looking for such a thing is often an indication of a need to fill or hide some emptiness within. this essentially manifests socially as an invitation to predators & various episodes of personal misery.
a person who is seeking is far more willing to lower their standards. being tolerant is 1 thing. allowing others to fill your void w/their bullshit is entirely different. there seem to be any number of humans roaming about the planet that will gladly place their bullshit anywhere they can. if having an inner void is unpleasant, how pleasant can it be to have that very same void filled full of bullshit?
exactly...
it is far better to have the void & embrace it than it is to fill it w/bullshit. embracing a void honestly is far more likely to create situations where healthy solutions can be forumulated. sometimes it's just a matter of allowing self to grow & mature.
maturity = closing the gap...
make like it's lovely to live w/a sabetour...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
what do you do...
i have to improve my living condition.
the very nature of my finite being seems to be an obstacle to the above.
my collection of life knowledge is of little value because of my faulty application. if i do not activate & persist to overcome this shit, nothing will change.
it has become painfully apparent that i have not been doing nearly as well as i thought i was. it would appear that i am much better at deceiving self than what i thought.
my universal consciousness is of little value if i am not using it to improve my life condition. i have not used my tools in the most opportune ways. it's essentially killing me...
i have to change my ways...
empower self to true progress...
artificial progress is of no consequence & highly unacceptable...
make like religion is the answer...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
the very nature of my finite being seems to be an obstacle to the above.
my collection of life knowledge is of little value because of my faulty application. if i do not activate & persist to overcome this shit, nothing will change.
it has become painfully apparent that i have not been doing nearly as well as i thought i was. it would appear that i am much better at deceiving self than what i thought.
my universal consciousness is of little value if i am not using it to improve my life condition. i have not used my tools in the most opportune ways. it's essentially killing me...
i have to change my ways...
empower self to true progress...
artificial progress is of no consequence & highly unacceptable...
make like religion is the answer...
BRIDGE THE GAP
...be universal...
Saturday, April 09, 2011
organizationally challenged...
AVD is the name of the game on my human side...
for many years i thought i was good at organizing. it turns out i know how to organize, but because of the variability of my attention, i don't always follow through w/the task at hand. essentially that means that i don't organize all that well.
this makes for a lot of half finished shit that just piles up all over the place. sprinkle in a low tolerance for frustration, which often equates to impatience, & you now have a formula for making things more difficult than what they would otherwise be.
it is of little constructive use to have knowledge & not be able to organize it in the most productive fashion. apparently this is how i've been getting around the planet so far.
i'm still processing a lot of this shit. the short side of it is that i have to learn new ways of doing things & paying more attention to the things that distract me the most. it's like damage control. obviously it would be much easier if i did not have a variable attention span...
ah, the functioning of the finite...
make like winning the lottery sucks...
PEACE
...be calm...
for many years i thought i was good at organizing. it turns out i know how to organize, but because of the variability of my attention, i don't always follow through w/the task at hand. essentially that means that i don't organize all that well.
this makes for a lot of half finished shit that just piles up all over the place. sprinkle in a low tolerance for frustration, which often equates to impatience, & you now have a formula for making things more difficult than what they would otherwise be.
it is of little constructive use to have knowledge & not be able to organize it in the most productive fashion. apparently this is how i've been getting around the planet so far.
i'm still processing a lot of this shit. the short side of it is that i have to learn new ways of doing things & paying more attention to the things that distract me the most. it's like damage control. obviously it would be much easier if i did not have a variable attention span...
ah, the functioning of the finite...
make like winning the lottery sucks...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
perception is not reality...
reality exists whether it is percieved or not...
the difference between finite perception & universal reality is yet another concrete example of the gap between the finite & the infinite.
clearly there are those of us who have such flawed perceptual functioning that the state of mind is called into question. the reality is that we all have flawed perceptual functioning.
the nature of modern society is based on the wholesale manipulation of common perception to the detriment of most humans. this is not a conspiracy theory. it is not an accident either.
the shaping of human perception is actually taught to those who have access to the institutions where such knowledge is readily shared.
much of what the general public thinks is happening does not happen as they percieve it.
1 of the many results of 100's of years of perceptual manipulation is that there are people living today that will kill to protect illusions. these people rely on their perceptions to justify the disregard for human life. it does not matter that their perceptions do not reflect reality. if there is a large enough group of humans who share these perceptions, the perceptions are considered justified.
reality exists beyond the finite realm of human perception...
make like it matters that i comprehend such things...
PEACE
...be calm...
the difference between finite perception & universal reality is yet another concrete example of the gap between the finite & the infinite.
clearly there are those of us who have such flawed perceptual functioning that the state of mind is called into question. the reality is that we all have flawed perceptual functioning.
the nature of modern society is based on the wholesale manipulation of common perception to the detriment of most humans. this is not a conspiracy theory. it is not an accident either.
the shaping of human perception is actually taught to those who have access to the institutions where such knowledge is readily shared.
much of what the general public thinks is happening does not happen as they percieve it.
1 of the many results of 100's of years of perceptual manipulation is that there are people living today that will kill to protect illusions. these people rely on their perceptions to justify the disregard for human life. it does not matter that their perceptions do not reflect reality. if there is a large enough group of humans who share these perceptions, the perceptions are considered justified.
reality exists beyond the finite realm of human perception...
make like it matters that i comprehend such things...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
fluctuations of consciousness...
if i don't think straight/universally when i'm frustrated, but i have to think that way to remove the frustration from my daily environment, how much trouble does that mean i'm in?
only my actions represent an answer to that question.
historically, my actions have not reflected a constructive answer. i've essentially spent my later human life pursuing goals in a manner that makes them more elusive. i suppose knowing this should feel better, but knowing is not all that useful w/o application of knowledge.
my application has a tendency to be wanting.
so, WTF do i do w/self?
again, only my actions can speak that answer.
i am in a pretty fucked up situation in a relatively hostile environment. i have to help self. needing help is extremely unattractive to other humans. i'd like to have had this realization about 20 years ago, but that liking has no bearing on the reality of my current finite disposition.
how disturbing is it to know you're fucking up & yet you show little sign of stopping self in the most appropriate manner?
my human is not in the best of places. the nature of the gap between my finite & infinite being is not the most pleasant thing to experience. i keep coming back to the idea that i should be able to navigate these issues better knowing what i do know. clearly this is not the case.
i have to work this out or i'm going to continue to suffer...
make like i'm not struggling at the moment...
PEACE
...be calm...
only my actions represent an answer to that question.
historically, my actions have not reflected a constructive answer. i've essentially spent my later human life pursuing goals in a manner that makes them more elusive. i suppose knowing this should feel better, but knowing is not all that useful w/o application of knowledge.
my application has a tendency to be wanting.
so, WTF do i do w/self?
again, only my actions can speak that answer.
i am in a pretty fucked up situation in a relatively hostile environment. i have to help self. needing help is extremely unattractive to other humans. i'd like to have had this realization about 20 years ago, but that liking has no bearing on the reality of my current finite disposition.
how disturbing is it to know you're fucking up & yet you show little sign of stopping self in the most appropriate manner?
my human is not in the best of places. the nature of the gap between my finite & infinite being is not the most pleasant thing to experience. i keep coming back to the idea that i should be able to navigate these issues better knowing what i do know. clearly this is not the case.
i have to work this out or i'm going to continue to suffer...
make like i'm not struggling at the moment...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, March 05, 2011
fraternizing w/the saboteur...
i talked to an old roommate the other day. he told me something that i have to remember. he said, "you can't help everybody."
that's a lesson i seem to keep getting fucked up...
the situation i find self dealing w/right now is directly related to my ignoring the concepts of this lesson. i cannot help everybody. realistically speaking, w/my issues, i need to be focusing all my energies on getting self straight 1st.
DUH!
seems straightforward enough, but i suppose i wasn't being realistic w/self about the scope & extent of my issues. even if i had been more realistic, i still had no knowledge of AVD & the role it plays in my finite perception of universal reality. it would seem that role is rather significant & bears directly on this whole not learning of lessons issue.
long story short, i've spent a little over a decade investing a great deal of energy in trying to maintain what clearly now appears to be a lost cause. my ideal perception clouded my universal perception. the finite fucking up the infinite yet again. as the song says, "...the rain is gone..."
the most important thing at this point is moving forward w/o recreating the horribly unsupportive environment(s) that i have been experiencing during the journey thus far. this is key to actually achieving any goals for self. i have quite a few issues to resolve simultaneously, but they cannot all be dealt w/at once. it is an ongoing challenge, but i have to prioritize these issues in a way that will lead to efficient resolutions.
the current environment has to be navigated in order for me to successfully remove self from it's negative influences. not easy, but highly necessary for immediate survival. i suppose i'm so used to dealing w/a hostile environment that i allowed self to perpetuate 1 at the expense of self.
not a good look...
took me a long time to see this shit, & i needed some outside eyes, but at least i have a more comprehensive idea of the challenges that need to be embraced.
now i just have to hold my head & move forward!
make like keeping the enemy too close is great...
PEACE
...be calm...
that's a lesson i seem to keep getting fucked up...
the situation i find self dealing w/right now is directly related to my ignoring the concepts of this lesson. i cannot help everybody. realistically speaking, w/my issues, i need to be focusing all my energies on getting self straight 1st.
DUH!
seems straightforward enough, but i suppose i wasn't being realistic w/self about the scope & extent of my issues. even if i had been more realistic, i still had no knowledge of AVD & the role it plays in my finite perception of universal reality. it would seem that role is rather significant & bears directly on this whole not learning of lessons issue.
long story short, i've spent a little over a decade investing a great deal of energy in trying to maintain what clearly now appears to be a lost cause. my ideal perception clouded my universal perception. the finite fucking up the infinite yet again. as the song says, "...the rain is gone..."
the most important thing at this point is moving forward w/o recreating the horribly unsupportive environment(s) that i have been experiencing during the journey thus far. this is key to actually achieving any goals for self. i have quite a few issues to resolve simultaneously, but they cannot all be dealt w/at once. it is an ongoing challenge, but i have to prioritize these issues in a way that will lead to efficient resolutions.
the current environment has to be navigated in order for me to successfully remove self from it's negative influences. not easy, but highly necessary for immediate survival. i suppose i'm so used to dealing w/a hostile environment that i allowed self to perpetuate 1 at the expense of self.
not a good look...
took me a long time to see this shit, & i needed some outside eyes, but at least i have a more comprehensive idea of the challenges that need to be embraced.
now i just have to hold my head & move forward!
make like keeping the enemy too close is great...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
now what...
i have recently come to the realization that i have not done enough to make self relevant to other humans. this isn't on a personal consideration basis, but more on a beneficial social interaction basis. specifically i have not secured enough knowledge/skill for me to commodify self. for some odd reason i thought this would no longer be an issue once i earned my undergrad degree.
ooops...
so, does this mean i have no skill/talent? no. what this does mean is that i have not spent enough time enhancing my natural abilities to the point where other humans will readily part w/their income for whatever it is i'm doing.
simple version: i currently seem to have little value as an employee.
it isn't that i don't have potential. it's more a lack of refined skill & the fact that i seem to require a particular environment to get the most of self. i am too susceptible to distraction. i continue to develop comprehension of the ways AVD affects my finite functioning. there are activities that i should have been participating in on a daily basis that i have neglected. the result is a rather large gap between where i would like to be & where i actually find self.
practice does not make you perfect. it does make you better, & i have not gotten too much better at certain skills that would enhance my commodification status. this situation itself is not unusual. what makes this unusual is that i am just figuring out the specifics of this after being on the planet for 4 decades.
it really isn't a matter of being late. the issue is how to alleviate the problem & keep moving in a productive direction. there is much work to do, & i remain highly distractible. it is what it is...
i figure my best option is to be an entrepreneur, but i still have to be able to provide some value in service or product. i have been working on this issue for over 20 years. it's quite disturbing to see quite clearly that i have not yet solved the problem. i know this: there is no solution that does not require great change on my part.
the struggle continues...
make like i've got it all figured out...
PEACE
...be calm...
ooops...
so, does this mean i have no skill/talent? no. what this does mean is that i have not spent enough time enhancing my natural abilities to the point where other humans will readily part w/their income for whatever it is i'm doing.
simple version: i currently seem to have little value as an employee.
it isn't that i don't have potential. it's more a lack of refined skill & the fact that i seem to require a particular environment to get the most of self. i am too susceptible to distraction. i continue to develop comprehension of the ways AVD affects my finite functioning. there are activities that i should have been participating in on a daily basis that i have neglected. the result is a rather large gap between where i would like to be & where i actually find self.
practice does not make you perfect. it does make you better, & i have not gotten too much better at certain skills that would enhance my commodification status. this situation itself is not unusual. what makes this unusual is that i am just figuring out the specifics of this after being on the planet for 4 decades.
it really isn't a matter of being late. the issue is how to alleviate the problem & keep moving in a productive direction. there is much work to do, & i remain highly distractible. it is what it is...
i figure my best option is to be an entrepreneur, but i still have to be able to provide some value in service or product. i have been working on this issue for over 20 years. it's quite disturbing to see quite clearly that i have not yet solved the problem. i know this: there is no solution that does not require great change on my part.
the struggle continues...
make like i've got it all figured out...
PEACE
...be calm...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
a universal dilemma...
when is it appropriate to begin teaching humans their true nature?
this is a consideration of how a finite physical reacts to the idea of being told they are actually infinite in nature. i would imagine that many humans would not put such an idea in its proper universal perspective. i may have discussed this idea previously, but i find that this progression of thought strongly supports the argument for religious practices. my problems w/said argument are essentially unchanged.
why not tell humans the truth? empower them. there is the strong possibility that many of them will not properly be able to comprehend the idea & the responsibilities associated w/it, but the search for increased knowledge is a part of our universal momentum as finite beings. how so? the more knowledge we accumulate the more we close the inherent gap between our physical & universal states. confusing people w/these artificial institutions of spirituality has not created a better world. the fear that humans will not act responsibly if told who god really is not a reason to keep lying to them.
if we are taught from our earliest stages of finite cognition what our true position is in the universe & how to uphold our responsibility as such, how much different would society be? the only way to find out is to do it. clearly this is not easy. much of the human species has been struggling w/essentially the same issues of violence, intolerance, & universal ignorance for thousands of years now. this has to change, but it will not until the nature of god is revealed in true light. this may take many generations to occur, but it has to have a start in 1 1st. we are all god. we can make the necessary changes. we have to begin w/the truth & grow w/our collective knowledge. god is...
not he, not she, but we...
make like the infinite is irrelevant...
PEACE
...be calm...
this is a consideration of how a finite physical reacts to the idea of being told they are actually infinite in nature. i would imagine that many humans would not put such an idea in its proper universal perspective. i may have discussed this idea previously, but i find that this progression of thought strongly supports the argument for religious practices. my problems w/said argument are essentially unchanged.
why not tell humans the truth? empower them. there is the strong possibility that many of them will not properly be able to comprehend the idea & the responsibilities associated w/it, but the search for increased knowledge is a part of our universal momentum as finite beings. how so? the more knowledge we accumulate the more we close the inherent gap between our physical & universal states. confusing people w/these artificial institutions of spirituality has not created a better world. the fear that humans will not act responsibly if told who god really is not a reason to keep lying to them.
if we are taught from our earliest stages of finite cognition what our true position is in the universe & how to uphold our responsibility as such, how much different would society be? the only way to find out is to do it. clearly this is not easy. much of the human species has been struggling w/essentially the same issues of violence, intolerance, & universal ignorance for thousands of years now. this has to change, but it will not until the nature of god is revealed in true light. this may take many generations to occur, but it has to have a start in 1 1st. we are all god. we can make the necessary changes. we have to begin w/the truth & grow w/our collective knowledge. god is...
not he, not she, but we...
make like the infinite is irrelevant...
PEACE
...be calm...
Monday, February 07, 2011
message to the missing in mind...
there may be a way. if you don't stick around long enough, you're not likely to find it!
in order for others to consider you valuable, you must create value that they can appreciate. this does not mean if no one values what you create you are not valuable. it just means that if others do not see value, how can you expect them to express any appreciation for it?
continue to create. even if it means value will not be seen until your finite isn't...
make like value is not arbitrary...
PEACE
...be calm...
in order for others to consider you valuable, you must create value that they can appreciate. this does not mean if no one values what you create you are not valuable. it just means that if others do not see value, how can you expect them to express any appreciation for it?
continue to create. even if it means value will not be seen until your finite isn't...
make like value is not arbitrary...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, February 05, 2011
ouch!
apparently i've screwed up my backial area. it's been bothering me since the last week of December.
not good...
went to the e-room, but they didn't do too much since i am [DENH! DENH! DENH!] uninsured. how therapeutic is a 3-4 hr wait & a prescription for 800mg ibuprofen? supposedly i have a muscular strain. i would be fine w/said diagnosis if the shit had gone away in about a week or 2. did i mention my bones are making noises? i'm moving around like friggin' Igor or Quasimodo.
i'm thinking about checking out a chiropractor. i'm supposed to be trying some acupuncture too. pins 1st though. i'll try the chiro if the pins are a no go.
sheesh!
make like ailments are sexy...
PEACE
...be calm...
not good...
went to the e-room, but they didn't do too much since i am [DENH! DENH! DENH!] uninsured. how therapeutic is a 3-4 hr wait & a prescription for 800mg ibuprofen? supposedly i have a muscular strain. i would be fine w/said diagnosis if the shit had gone away in about a week or 2. did i mention my bones are making noises? i'm moving around like friggin' Igor or Quasimodo.
i'm thinking about checking out a chiropractor. i'm supposed to be trying some acupuncture too. pins 1st though. i'll try the chiro if the pins are a no go.
sheesh!
make like ailments are sexy...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
seeing beyond the eyelids...
for whatever reasons, many humans seem to lack vision. being that we are all finite physically, this isn't entirerly shocking. however, some of us fail to look outside a limited range of vision.
it's like a psychological counterpart to the 5 block radius phenomenon. if you never travel beyond your neighborhood outside of this 5 block radius, what experiences do you miss? lack of experience = missed opportunities. experience can teach you in 2 ways:
make like change is to be feared...
PEACE
...be calm...
it's like a psychological counterpart to the 5 block radius phenomenon. if you never travel beyond your neighborhood outside of this 5 block radius, what experiences do you miss? lack of experience = missed opportunities. experience can teach you in 2 ways:
- learning how to do new things correctly
- learning from doing old things incorrectly
make like change is to be feared...
PEACE
...be calm...
Friday, January 28, 2011
L.R.O.I....
Low Return On Investment
that's how i describe my current family life.
i get angry sometimes, but the reality is likely i have/had unrealistic expectations. my current situation is a reflection of my questionable decision making.
meeting a chick at a busted strip club & working to create a relationship w/her is an unusual enough idea. factor in she's a high school dropout, has a baby w/questionable paternity, is an incest survivor, etc. & you have a person that most cats would have run away from at top speed.
not me.
i thought i could help. i thought being supportive & loving would make a + difference. over a decade later i'm left w/a particular emptiness & the responsibility of caring for the fresh human that resulted from this apparently handicapped relationship. it seems that AVD plays a role in this situation as well. what comes off as selfishness, uncommunicativeness, & insensitivity is very likely AVD manifesting itself. it might not be so bad if there wasn't such a history of repetitive deceit & infidelity. being taken from w/o being given to creates a very distinct drain on the psyche.
distractions...
i suppose i have little reason to have any confidence in my family relations. how inspiring...
make like having shitty family relations is encouraging...
PEACE
...be calm...
that's how i describe my current family life.
i get angry sometimes, but the reality is likely i have/had unrealistic expectations. my current situation is a reflection of my questionable decision making.
meeting a chick at a busted strip club & working to create a relationship w/her is an unusual enough idea. factor in she's a high school dropout, has a baby w/questionable paternity, is an incest survivor, etc. & you have a person that most cats would have run away from at top speed.
not me.
i thought i could help. i thought being supportive & loving would make a + difference. over a decade later i'm left w/a particular emptiness & the responsibility of caring for the fresh human that resulted from this apparently handicapped relationship. it seems that AVD plays a role in this situation as well. what comes off as selfishness, uncommunicativeness, & insensitivity is very likely AVD manifesting itself. it might not be so bad if there wasn't such a history of repetitive deceit & infidelity. being taken from w/o being given to creates a very distinct drain on the psyche.
distractions...
i suppose i have little reason to have any confidence in my family relations. how inspiring...
make like having shitty family relations is encouraging...
PEACE
...be calm...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
ever moving forward...
requiring frequent + stimulation is quite a tedious task. it has to be done responsibly. - stimulation leads to too much collateral damage. how is + stimulation maintained in an environment that is not exactly + energetically? my new motto is becoming "i am in trouble." i suppose that's not the most + outlook though. my variable attention span can be quite problematic within this context. the damage done up until the discovery of this state of my finite being has been relatively significant.
damage reveals itself in various forms from current/past behaviors/actions. more recently i've been eating too much outside prepared food. this is an expensive activity. i am definitely not in a position to make a habit of it. i have to start cooking for self again. the family meals have been problematic lately. i actually enjoy cooking, but the kitchen issues w/my current environment obscure much of the pleasure of the experience. pulling dirty dishes out of their storage areas tends to remove the enthusiasm of the preparation process.
i'm hungry as i write this, but the food that i've eaten from family meals has not been tasty. sometimes the food is over/under done, or it just does not look/taste appealing. it's rather discouraging, but eating out is not a viable solution...
i have much to do. moving forward w/o inflicting further damage is key. what a challenge. i have to keep telling self that it can be done. if i do not, "i am in trouble..."
make like all is under control in the finite realm...
PEACE
...be calm...
damage reveals itself in various forms from current/past behaviors/actions. more recently i've been eating too much outside prepared food. this is an expensive activity. i am definitely not in a position to make a habit of it. i have to start cooking for self again. the family meals have been problematic lately. i actually enjoy cooking, but the kitchen issues w/my current environment obscure much of the pleasure of the experience. pulling dirty dishes out of their storage areas tends to remove the enthusiasm of the preparation process.
i'm hungry as i write this, but the food that i've eaten from family meals has not been tasty. sometimes the food is over/under done, or it just does not look/taste appealing. it's rather discouraging, but eating out is not a viable solution...
i have much to do. moving forward w/o inflicting further damage is key. what a challenge. i have to keep telling self that it can be done. if i do not, "i am in trouble..."
make like all is under control in the finite realm...
PEACE
...be calm...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
source of + energy...
what can i say?
what can i do?
apparently i have not done so well in establishing an environment that is progress friendly for my finite self. this is not a recent development. this has been a situation that i have had to deal w/my entire finite existence thus far. i have struggled consistently w/it since assuming responsibility for my finite navigations. my original care providers were not exactly the best models.
i continue to work toward improving the nature & means of travel, but i seem only to be successful in expanding my consciousness. my efforts to convert said consciousness into a form that promotes more satisfactory forward progress have yet to produce long-term successes. it would be the utmost of understatements to suggest that i am frustrated. i feel i am beyond frustration.
my family is not even a source of + energy for me. if your family is a source of frustration, what happens next? i don't even find peace in spending time w/the godren. it would seem that the person i chose to introduce into my life as a partner is not quite able to be one. no peace there either. i have to create my own peace. this is something i find increasingly difficult. my distractibility & the disruptive nature of my current environment are not great partners.
i had thought that things could be worked out. it often appears that said partner functions in such a way as to not work things out. the repetitive nature of the issues over a 10+ year period makes it quite difficult to continue to suggest that things will improve to the extent needed. i would be horribly mistaken to state that nothing has changed, but certain things that needed to change a while ago do not appear to be changing.
it is difficult to maintain when you have no one to trust & be self with. my distractibility being as it is i feel i need to be in a solitary state, but i do not like the idea of extended isolation. isolation isn't a natural social state for humans. no matter how distractible i am, i can't see how it would be good for me.
the only real + energies for me lately are my light oriented thought(s) & creativity. apparently the strengths of my finite being are concentrated in these areas. these are the areas where the infinite & finite connect most regularly. i have to work this to my benefit. i have to create to live. if i do not work through & beyond my frustrations w/being, there is the danger of tormenting self to darkness. darkness is that place next to actively pursuing termination of self. this is not ok. this is becoming a daily battle. sometimes i grow tired of fighting it...
my challenge is distinct. what to do w/my finite self. the distractions & my interaction w/them are the only hell that exists in my finite reality.
make like navigating the finite is simplistic...
PEACE
...be calm...
what can i do?
apparently i have not done so well in establishing an environment that is progress friendly for my finite self. this is not a recent development. this has been a situation that i have had to deal w/my entire finite existence thus far. i have struggled consistently w/it since assuming responsibility for my finite navigations. my original care providers were not exactly the best models.
i continue to work toward improving the nature & means of travel, but i seem only to be successful in expanding my consciousness. my efforts to convert said consciousness into a form that promotes more satisfactory forward progress have yet to produce long-term successes. it would be the utmost of understatements to suggest that i am frustrated. i feel i am beyond frustration.
my family is not even a source of + energy for me. if your family is a source of frustration, what happens next? i don't even find peace in spending time w/the godren. it would seem that the person i chose to introduce into my life as a partner is not quite able to be one. no peace there either. i have to create my own peace. this is something i find increasingly difficult. my distractibility & the disruptive nature of my current environment are not great partners.
i had thought that things could be worked out. it often appears that said partner functions in such a way as to not work things out. the repetitive nature of the issues over a 10+ year period makes it quite difficult to continue to suggest that things will improve to the extent needed. i would be horribly mistaken to state that nothing has changed, but certain things that needed to change a while ago do not appear to be changing.
it is difficult to maintain when you have no one to trust & be self with. my distractibility being as it is i feel i need to be in a solitary state, but i do not like the idea of extended isolation. isolation isn't a natural social state for humans. no matter how distractible i am, i can't see how it would be good for me.
the only real + energies for me lately are my light oriented thought(s) & creativity. apparently the strengths of my finite being are concentrated in these areas. these are the areas where the infinite & finite connect most regularly. i have to work this to my benefit. i have to create to live. if i do not work through & beyond my frustrations w/being, there is the danger of tormenting self to darkness. darkness is that place next to actively pursuing termination of self. this is not ok. this is becoming a daily battle. sometimes i grow tired of fighting it...
my challenge is distinct. what to do w/my finite self. the distractions & my interaction w/them are the only hell that exists in my finite reality.
make like navigating the finite is simplistic...
PEACE
...be calm...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
the great hustle...
how is it that humans seem so easily manipulated by the fear of the unknown?
my comprehension of the answer to the above does not remove my distaste for the hustlers of religious faith(s).
i caught the tail end of a Todd Coontz infomercial earlier today. i'm not so much disturbed as i am amazed that humans facilitate the hustle of cats like this.
fear is a powerful motivator. humans truly fear the unknown. this fear is about as universal among humans as the universe itself is to reality.
the thing that saddens/bugs me is that it is extremely difficult to get those who are caught up by these types of hustles to realize that it's a scam.
it isn't even just w/religion(s). there are a few well established social institutions that humans would seem literally to be willing to kill/die to defend. i suppose it's like trying to get an eyeless human to visually acknowledge the sun.
the power to manipulate human perception is far too often abused by those who do not have the interest of the greater common good in mind...
make like the unknown is gleefully embraced...
PEACE
...be calm...
my comprehension of the answer to the above does not remove my distaste for the hustlers of religious faith(s).
i caught the tail end of a Todd Coontz infomercial earlier today. i'm not so much disturbed as i am amazed that humans facilitate the hustle of cats like this.
fear is a powerful motivator. humans truly fear the unknown. this fear is about as universal among humans as the universe itself is to reality.
the thing that saddens/bugs me is that it is extremely difficult to get those who are caught up by these types of hustles to realize that it's a scam.
it isn't even just w/religion(s). there are a few well established social institutions that humans would seem literally to be willing to kill/die to defend. i suppose it's like trying to get an eyeless human to visually acknowledge the sun.
the power to manipulate human perception is far too often abused by those who do not have the interest of the greater common good in mind...
make like the unknown is gleefully embraced...
PEACE
...be calm...
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